A Baby in Mommy’s Tummy!

Sharing news of a new baby with your kids is an exciting thing but how you tell a sibling about a new baby brother or sister can determine how your child takes the news and a lot of parents wonder when the best time to share a pregnancy with their young children is.  For me, it’s always been right away.  There are a lot of reasons people  say it’s better to wait but for me, the right time has always been at the very start.

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Here why I like to share the news of a new baby with siblings right away:

What if I have a miscarriage, how do I explain that to my child?

Won’t you have to explain it anyways?  Children pick up on when their parents are sad so unless you’re going to hide your extreme sadness and grief in the event of a miscarriage, I personally think it would be easier to explain the concept of a miscarriage after they’ve already been introduced to the concept of a new baby rather than trying to explain both at the same time. (For these same reasons, I also believe we need to move away from keeping pregnancies secret for the first 12 weeks.)

Young children don’t really understand anyways so there’s no hurry. 

That one is a complete lie and misunderstanding of young children.  We told Honeybun I was pregnant with Sugarplum when she was 15 months old.  Every morning when we woke up I would say “Honeybun, there’s a baby in Mommy’s tummy!”  She understood when the baby was making me sick and when we went in for the ultrasound she understood what she was supposed to be seeing.  With my 3rd baby Honeybun was even naming parts on the ultrasound before I could, “Mommy, that’s the baby’s arm!”

9 months is an eternity for children to wait so why rush it?

I’ve found the more time you have to talk about the new baby the better.  Children process and absorb things at different paces, something as abstract as a new baby takes time to understand so allowing the child to have time to think about it and ask questions is really helpful.  By the time Sugarplum arrived Honeybun was so excited to see her we never had a problem with rivalry or attention because Sugarplum had already been a part of our lives for 8+ months.  The excitement outweighs the constant “is your baby coming out now?” questions and I just use those as opportunities to discuss our future with the baby and what life will be like, asking questions like “what do you want to do with the baby when it comes out?”  and “what kind of things do you think the baby will like/need?”

How you deliver any news about a new baby to siblings will be key in how your child reacts.

If you always talk about the baby joyously and lovingly, it’s likely your children will be excited too.  Likewise, if you deliver the news hesitantly, weary of their reaction, there’s a good chance they’ll pick up on your apprehension and think it’s a bad thing and will react accordingly.  Of course when talking about the realities of a baby such as the crying and how much time and attention the baby will need it’s okay to be serious, but I always try to put a positive spin on everything and stay upbeat.

I’ve also found the more often you talk about it the more excited the kids will be and the more likely they will be ready for the baby when he/she arrives.  The baby comes up all the time and my kids ask tons of questions and I always answer truthfully.  My girls already know pretty much everything about the baby inside and how it’s (hopefully) going to get out.

Older kids may ask how the baby got in there also but luckily that has not been an issue for us. The younger the kids are, the less they’re going to really understand and sometimes they’ll make their own understandings.  I let my kids feel the baby moving and try to explain what’s going on (hiccups or if they’re poking at the baby’s bum), Sugarplum used to think Doodle was “walking awound in dere” and always talked to the boys through my belly button (even though I knew that’s not where the baby was hanging out) but the most important thing to me is that they know that there’s a baby in there.

Some resources I recommend for preparing and sparking conversations with siblings about a new baby on the way are:

Children’s Books (affiliate links):

I’m a Big Sister by Joanna Cole (there is also a big brother version)

The New Baby by Mercer Mayer

What Baby Needs by William and Martha Sears

Hello Baby! by Lizzy Rockwell

Usborne First Experiences The New Baby by Anne Civardi, Michelle Bates and Stephen Cartwright

Adult Books that show babies growing in the womb (Affiliate Links):

A Child Is Born  by Lennart Nilsson and Lars Hamberger

Watch Me Grow: A Unique, 3-Dimensional Week-by-Week Look at Your Baby’s Behavior and Development in the Womb By Stuart Campbell

Also, since I’m planning a homebirth, I’ve also shared an animated video of a baby being born where you can see the process from inside that would also be great for first time parents or anyone who is unfamiliar with the process: Labor and Birth.

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