“This Thing…”

I remember the moment very clearly.  It was a Monday and the girls and I were at our weekly playgroup at a friend’s house.  Sugarplum was only a few months old and she must have had a bad night.  It was far enough from home that we had to take the bus (which by that point was not a big deal for us).  I’m sure it was typical fall morning in Dublin: rainy, cold and generally miserable.  I’m sure Honeybun, then 2, had given me a rough time getting ready as our mornings were always rushed when we had to catch the bus.  After making our journey and stripping off all our layers of necessary warmth, I sat down with Sugarplum in my arms and a much needed coffee in my hand and began a story “Last night, this thing…” smirking and nodding my head towards Sugarplum.  The exact details of the morning may be a bit fuzzy but the shocked looks on the other mommy’s faces stick with me.  The horror!  Did really she just call her baby “this thing?”

I was shocked too, by the reactions I got to words that I used often when talking with my hubby and family.  I later processed the event and realized that I referred to my children as “things” not as a lack of love or disgust as many people may assume but it’s actually for the opposite reason, as a way of protecting the relationship I have with my children.  During my first year working in childcare I was taught that there is no such thing as a bad child, only children with bad behaviors or who use poor judgment.  Parents spend a lot of time redirecting our children’s behaviors and attention and this is just my way of redirecting my own feelings.  It helps me to take my negative thoughts and frustrations with their unintentional behaviors and separate them from my child.   It allows me to vent about the things they do without damaging my view of them as my beautiful, wonderful girls.  It even seems to help me file my memories without combining the bad behavior with the child, hence why I can’t even remember what had upset that morning in the first place!

It’s a phrase that we have also always used lovingly.  My hubby chases one of the girls around the room and upon catching them exclaims “look at this thing I caught!”  I use it when talking about something silly they did while tickling them and using a silly voice.  It’s become a phrase we use less as our children grow and become more accountable for their actions but I’m sure it will resurface when amazing baby #3 won’t sleep or insists on nursing every hour, on the hour, around the clock or when s/he spits up down my back just before we need to leave the house.  While the behaviors are irritating, how can you be mad at a child for that?