I love my children more than I could ever express in words, pictures, smiles, tears. But, being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I’ve never done the full-time-working-mom thing and I can only imagine the stress, heartache and guilt that comes with that. I did do the running-around-like-a-crazy-working-mom thing and while stressful in its own way too, it was bearable. However, the overwhelming and constant stress of being home day in and day out with your children can make even the most level headed mommy go crazy and no one who hasn’t done it can understand what it’s really like.
What really pushed me over the edge was when I realized I was spending a vast amount of time as a single-stay-at-home-mom. While living in Dublin, hubby traveled a lot which left me home with the two girls, by myself, 24 hours a day. After hubby was gone for 13 days straight, I realized how overwhelming parenting by yourself really is. I don’t discount the struggles of single working mothers by any means, but I can’t imagine it even compares to being a stay-at-home mom for one reason: being a stay at home mom is lonely.
Most other jobs provide adult interaction which can be severely lacking when you’re a stay-at-home mom. I get in disagreements often with hubby over what I really need to be able to better tolerate my children day in and day out. He is very supportive of letting me get away when he’s available to watch the girls and even suggests I get a babysitter and get out of the house when he’s not. The thing is I don’t necessarily want to be away from my girls. What I do need is that adult interaction I’m missing from being a full-time stay-at-home mom.
In any other job if you also get the luxury of breaks. If you get overwhelmed you can walk away, you can leave for a few minutes, you can take a break. Motherhood doesn’t give you that luxury. Sure, you can put the baby/child somewhere safe and take a minute but chances are you will not get far enough away to completely lose the sounds of crying and/or screaming (which will still echo in your head even if you can get away from the actual noise).
The most logical way to get much needed adult interaction is through play dates which benefit both mom and child but really, for me, just having another adult around makes my mommying job bearable. Even if I still have to change ever diaper, make every meal and do all the mommy work, having another adult to talk to, complain to and share my frustration with keeps me from feeling overwhelmed and taking those feelings out on my children. I also find having other adults around, even those without children, changes my children’s behavior too. They get excited to see someone new and even if they’re still at home with the same toys and the same routine, having a new face makes the day different from all the others.
YES, YES, YES!
My husband also says to get sitter and go. He doesn’t quite understand that bring away from home and the baby isn’t at all what I need. Actually, you finally just labeled it for me, it’s lonely. Talking on the phone only does so much for the loneliness too.
I work 12 hours a week at a Mother’s Day Out, where I have Everette with me in class. It’s hard on both of us, but the few minutes of getting to talk to. Y coworkers makes it worth the whole 12 hours a week. It’s become more about me and my time, rather than a socialization experience for him.