I’m now far enough along in my pregnancy that most people can easily tell. I’m amazed by the questions I get asked by strangers and most amazed that the number one question people ask is “Is it a boy or a girl?” Hubby and I are very “old-fashioned”. We have chosen to not find out the sex of our children (any of them) prior to their arriving in our world.
There’s a few reasons for our choice:
1) Why do I need to know? With Honeybun we knew we’d have more so we got everything neutral anyways (no need to overspend twice) and with Sugarplum it was too early to find out before we moved to Dublin so we had to pack all the baby stuff to come with us anyways. With #3 it’s just normal to not know and I can’t think of a single reason I NEED to know.
2) I don’t like to share names. We have never told people our chosen baby names before the birth. I don’t want my beloved name to get the response “that’s my dog’s name” or “remember your uncle’s crazy ex-girlfriend named that?” My theory is once it’s on a real, live baby, no one is going to share their opinions (plus to be totally honest, I think it’s kind of creepy to refer to an unborn child by name. Just my opinion, can’t explain it). Not knowing the sex is the easiest way to avoid sharing names, I simply say “We haven’t decided yet since we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl.” (And for those wondering, we do NOT actually have any names picked out for #3 yet).
3) It’s something to look forward to. If I’m going to go through the tiring process of a natural labor and delivery, I need a little motivation. Plus there is nothing more exciting than holding your baby for the first time and learning everything about them in that moment. Knowing the sex, for me, would cause me to over-process who the baby will be but not knowing leaves everything up to my dreams and imagination until s/he looks into my eyes for the first time.
4) It’s more exciting for everyone else. Sure, everyone wants to know that the baby is arrived and healthy but when I see a friend had a baby and I already knew the sex and name, I have a “ok, I’m glad everyone is doing well” reaction. When a new baby arrives that previously did not have a sex and/or name, I’m much more excited, and I don’t get that same excitement when finding out information about friends’ babies before the birth.
If you’re a need-to-knower, I’m not a judger. To each her own. Just as I don’t judge those who make different parenting or birthing choices, how you prepare for your baby is your business, not mine. Though I do expect the same respect for my choices.
When asked if it’s a boy/girl (I rarely get asked “do you know what it is?”) I get a lot of mixed responses from people when I say we don’t know. Here are some of my regulars:
“How can you not know? I would go crazy not knowing!”
“Wow. I had to know so I could plan and get everything ready.”
“That’s really neat.”
“When are you going to find out?”
“We never found out either, it’s exciting to wait.”
“Really?”
And my all-time favorite response:
“What do you mean you DON’T KNOW?” Asked by a truly bewildered waitress at a restaurant when I was pregnant with Sugarplum. Apparently it had never occurred to her before that parents have a choice in whether or not they find out the sex ahead of the birth.
