Nothing in my mommying life makes me more outright angry than when my children argue, backtalk and give me attitude. In the most extreme cases it makes my blood boil and my heart feel like it’s going to explode. Honeybun is a champion at these skills and I cannot stand how she thinks she can have the last word in every situation. We are trying to teach her to be respectful and to just quietly listen when we are talking to her but she cannot control herself and always has to say SOMETHING. Her favorite last words are “No,” “I don’t want to,” “it’s not my/your choice,” and my all-time favorite “it’s not my life!”
I try to avoid power struggles (something I could write for days about, and will sometime) and am also not a good threaten-er. I’m a doer. I don’t threaten my children with consequences unless I’m going to follow through and in the most extreme cases with Honeybun’s attitude I often don’t even threaten, I just do. If she is going to have the last word (usually in a hysterical screaming voice) then I will not give her the luxury of any of my words. Into her room she goes or away her favorite things go. And most importantly into another part of the house I go, away from her inappropriate behaviors.
Usually this results in mass hysteria of Honeybun screaming and sometimes throwing things (another pet peeve of mine…that one really gets her in trouble with me) and Sugarplum trying to be with her and not understanding why we need to leave Honeybun alone (read Mommy Mantra for a run-down of the typical scenario). In addition to being a doer, I’m also not a giver-inner. If I say something I mean it and I follow through.
When Honeybun loses her favorite things, she is required to earn them back, one at a time. She can re-earn one thing each day she goes without a major attitude situation (no screaming, hysterical crying, throwing or general nastiness). She is slowly learning to control her temper and even told me the other night “Mommy, earlier I felt myself getting nasty and I stopped and fixed my attitude. Can I have an animal back today?” I truly appreciate that she is starting to take ownership of her behavior and I hope that it will also help Sugarplum learn to do the same (in time, she’s still kinda little).
