The sibling fighting in our house has become ridiculous. My girls fight over EVERYTHING. They obviously argue mostly over toys but they also manage to fight over who is going to sit closest to me, who is going to stand on the black stool (versus the white one), who is going to unlock the door for me, who is going to use the toilet first…the list is never ending.
I’ve heard of many parents during these kinds of arguments locking their children in a room together until they work it out. Sounds like a great plan (mommy free time?), unfortunately my children are too small to actually be able to compromise and come up with a plan on their own. Even if they were able to “discuss” the problem, I’m sure the solution would be Honeybun dominated (and would probably still result in Sugarplum screaming).
My usual rule for when they fight over a toy is taking the toy away. If they can’t work it out, then no one gets to have it. This is great for things, but the times when they are fighting over space or doing a job, there is no easy way to take it away completely so I’ve been trying to come up with new ways to settle the arguments quickly.
Whenever possible, I make them take turns. If Honeybun got to choose or do a job last time, then this time Sugarplum gets to. But it’s not always so easy to remember who picked last time and is useless in a new situation. So I’ve started using different games to keep me from having to choose who is right or wrong and to make them feel like they have a bit of control over the outcome.
I started with the “I’m thinking of a number” game. I explained to the girls that I was going to pick a number in my head between 1 and 10 and tapped my head to indicate I was thinking about it. I asked Sugarplum to pick a number between 1 and 10. She tapped my forehead and said “that’s my number”. I finally got her to pick a number and then Honeybun. Before I told them my number I explained that whoever is closest would get the black stool and made sure they both understood whoever was farthest would have to move to the white stool. Honeybun was closest and amazingly, Sugarplum moved without a fuss.
I tried the same game the next day and again Sugarplum tapped my head instead of picking a number. I realized the game was more than she could handle so luckily we had a deck of cards close by so we drew cards. Sugarplum, Honeybun and I each took a card and whoever got closest to mommy’s card got to sit next to mommy. It worked pretty well. I used it as math practice and made Honeybun figure out which was closest. While not as smooth as the pick a number game the day before, we did eventually come to an understanding of who had won and why.
I also did the “behind the back” choice today. The girls were fighting over a puzzle. Of course, there was another nearly identical puzzle in the other room. I had Honeybun bring me both and I put one in each hand. I had the girls turn their backs to me and I put my hands behind my back. I had Sugarplum choose a hand and gave her the puzzle in that hand and Honeybun the other. Amazingly, no arguing! They both took their puzzle and went off to work on it. Sugarplum did stop at one point and say “but Mommy, I wanted that one” and I told her when she was done with hers she could maybe trade with Honeybun and that was the end of it.
I’m sure the fighting will continue and I’ll need many more mommy tricks in the future but for now, these few “games” are working really well to help stop arguments without me having to be the “bad guy”.
