My girls are champion arguers. Honeybun’s always been good at trying to prove her point and insists on having the last word (see “Is This a Joke?” and “Preschool Sassing”) and now Sugarplum has come into the same phase. Part of Sugarplum’s arguing is her age as she comes into what I classify as “the dictator” stage (see “The Roy Theory”) and part of it is mimicking her sister and picking up on Honeybun’s language and behavior.
I love that my girls show streaks of independence and want to stand up for themselves as these are skills they will need as they grow and spend more time away from home. I want them to be able to assert themselves and believe in and stand up for what they know is right but at home, I expect them to be respectful of what hubby and I tell them and to not argue about things that are regular routines and expectations.
Over the years I’ve had highs and lows with being able to deal with the arguing. When things are going well I am able to quickly and easily shut down their arguing behavior using concise statements which do not allow for arguing, negotiating or getting their way. I find I have to rotate using them because just like anything else, if one way is used too often is become ineffectual. Here are the ones I find the most useful:
- I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.
- What did mommy say? <commence arguing> What did mommy say? <more arguing> What did mommy say? <etc. etc. etc.>
- No arguing, you say “yes ma’am” and do what I asked
- This is not a debate.
We’ve also been having a hard time with Sugarplum demanding things (another characteristic of “the dictator” phase). She starts nearly every statement with “But I want…” I’m trying to encourage her to ask for things rather than demand them and to, of course, ask nicely. When she starts bossing and/or demanding I’ll respond to her with one of these statements:
- Can you please ASK me nicely?
- It’s not your job to tell me what to do.
- You’re using your “want” words again.
