I have always and will always love my children, each of them. But I will admit there have been times in my mommying career when I didn’t feel the love I have for them. I always know it’s there. I always know that I would do anything for them. But sometimes I lose the FEELING. I’m talking about that tightness in your chest that makes you smile and want to cry all at the same time. That overwhelming feeling that (I hope) one feels when they look into their soon to be spouses eyes on their wedding day, when they hold their newborn for the first time, when they think of a good moment with a family member of friend that has been lost.
There are times when my girls are in a particularly trying phase and dealing with them becomes completely overwhelming. There are days when just surviving is an accomplishment. There are moments when all I want to is be away from them and the last thing I want is to love on them.
But a funny thing has happened recently…the all-consuming love and adoration I have for the new tiny man in my life has rekindled the love I have for my daughters. And it’s not even that I’m TRYING to love them more because he takes so much of my time, the feeling is just there. I don’t have to work at it, I just see them and smile and want to hug, kiss and cuddle them.
I think dealing with the newborn frustrations like night feeds, incessant or inconsolable crying and needing so much constant attention has made me start to appreciate all the great thing about 3 and 5 year olds. Things like how Sugarplum thinks she’s so funny and loves to make jokes. Or how Honeybun is growing so much at school and is so eager to learn.
There is something so engaging and endearing about Doodle that just sucks me in and makes me want to kiss his chubby little cheeks. But I also love talking to Honeybun about her day at school and watching Sugarplum do silly things and I’m going to hang onto this good time as long as I can!
