Last weekend marked many new “firsts” in my mommy life including my first flight alone with three kids; my first flight alone with a child that cannot walk; my first time parking at the airport and hoofing it in by myself; my first time at the airport we flew to; my first time breastfeeding while boarding and most significantly, my children’s first funeral.
We lost hubby’s grandfather (the only great-grandpa my children have ever known) a few weeks ago and since hubby was already scheduled to be near his home town for a work thing, it was convenient to schedule the burial service to coincide but this left me in Florida alone with the kids and we had to make the decision of whether or not the kids and I should attend and how we would get there.
Airfare from Florida to Boston is outrageously expensive and with 3-4 travelers (I like to buy our babies a seat whenever financially possible) it was a big bill to swallow. We discussed me staying home with the kids. I looked at taking the train (34+ hours) and even driving (21 hours without stopping). I offered to fly my mom out to come stay with the girls and was just going to take Doodle up. All of these options were cheaper than us all going and we debated the issue and struggled with the decision for hours before deciding what to do.
This is hubby’s first loss of a loved one in the 11 years we’ve known each other but he has been an irreplaceable support for me during my times of loss so it was important for me to be there. I also struggled with leaving the girls behind not because I don’t like being away from them (which I don’t) but also because something in my gut said they needed to be there too. I realized that none of the other options felt right and so paying the higher bill and dealing with the added stress was worth it for us all to be there together to say good-bye.
Aside from being stuck in the last row of the airplane and having to schlep 2 car seats and 2 bags as well as carry one child and herd 2 others each with a bag, the flight was rather uneventful (only one of my children cried on the flight…Honeybun!) and we arrived to our “final” destination in good spirits. Hubby met us with a rental car, I installed our 3 car seats (hubby bought the 3rd before picking us up), we had dinner and made the 2 hour drive to his childhood home.
The ceremony wasn’t a full-on funeral but just a burial with a small group of family and close friends at the cemetery. Grandpa was a veteran of World War II and so in addition to the usuals, and a moving speech by my father-in-law, he was celebrated with a military honors which brought everyone in attendance to tears.
My girls sat quietly throughout the ceremony other than Sugarplum asking why I was crying and Doodle began fussing shortly after the ceremony began and sleepily nursed through the remainder. Honeybun sort of understood what was going on, but I think it was beyond Sugarplum’s scope of understanding. They waited to lower the casket until after most people had left and so we had a few minutes to discuss everything and say our good-byes. We explained how Great-Grandpa’s body was in the casket and how we would never see him again. The day before, Honeybun told me her friends at school said Great-Grandpa was in Heaven now. We had chatted about Heaven and the concept or a person’s spirit and as we stood there, Honeybun again asked about his spirit, wondering where it was if his body was in the casket.
We had the girls each throw a flower into the grave and I encouraged the girls to gently touch the casket and say good-bye and I love you. Sugarplum was eager to do so and said her good-bye matter of factly. Honeybun was a bit more hesitant and took longer to actually say good-bye. We discussed why people were crying and how it was okay to be sad and cry. We watched them lower Great-Grandpa into the ground and said our final good-byes before returning to my in-laws’ home for an informal gathering of friends and family.
I am so glad we went, because as weird as it sounds, I think it was a great “starter” funeral for the girls. Unfortunately, death is a part of life and with four grandparents and three great-grandmas still living, this will unfortunately not be their last funeral but hopefully each will get easier for the girls to understand as they get older.
