Every once in a while I come across an article or blog post by someone else and I think “ah, I should totally write a post about that!” This happened this weekend when my attention was drawn to a post about sharing and I decided I too would write a blog post about sharing. But as I read through the other, I realized that I’d pretty much just be saying the same thing, so why not just share the original. So, here it is:
For those of you who may be short on time, a short synopsis: Basically we shouldn’t force young children to share by making them give something up they have when another child wants it because this is not how we function as adults. Instead we should encourage the child who has the toy to give it to the child who wants it when they are done and choose to share and allow the waiting child to express their frustration with waiting. The author points out that adult enforced sharing makes children feel resentful of sharing but letting them choose when they are ready makes them feel good about sharing. I totally agree with all of this!
The author also gives suggestions for talking to children about sharing using adult directed phrases such as “You’ll have to wait” and “will you tell Max when you’re all done?” While this is helpful, I always make the children communicate amongst themselves before I step in as a “referee”. The author does share a few phrases for helping the child who has the toy to “positively assert” him/herself by saying things like “You can have it when I’m done” “Did you like it when he grabbed your truck? Tell him to stop!” While I love these phrases for the child with the toy, there is no mention of teaching the waiting child to be assertive as well which is just as important. Whenever I’m around a child that wants a toy someone else has I always direct the wanting child to go to the playing child and ask “when you’re done can I please have a turn?” I think it is sooo important for children to learn to talk for themselves than to always have a parent/adult initiating interactions for them.
Another rule I have for sharing is the rule of “multiples.” If there is one of an object, then I expect children to wait their turn. If there is another that is not being played with, I will direct the wanting child to the available item. If there are 2 or more of an object (for instance train cars or blocks) then I will ask the playing child to share ONE toy and often they will share one willingly and sometimes even more.
With my older ones though, there is also the rule of arguing. If they are fighting over a toy and I cannot get to the bottom of who had it first then it gets put up and no one gets to play with it. While this goes a little bit against all the tips above, I feel my at 3 and 5, my girls are old enough to know how to talk to each other nicely and when no one will tell me the truth about what really happened, it’s hard for me to make a judgment. I’ve had to take toys away for fighting less and less over the past few months so I guess it’s working.
