Parenting vs. Preschool

I read a blog last week from a local mom about how her dentist asked if she was Still Home. Luckily I don’t get asked this question since I still have a tiny one. But we did go to a pumpkin carving party this weekend at our neighbors house where we met a lot of new people and I did get asked multiple times if Sugarplum is STILL at home. As if my 3 year old has somewhere better to be than wrapped in my arms reading books or running around the park with a friend.

Preschool is a big deal in our neck of the woods and I don’t know many people who keep their kids home full-time until they are 4 and qualify for the free Florida Pre-K program (honestly if it weren’t free I’d probably keep my kids home until kindergarten). Most 3 year-olds around here are in at least part-time preschool as are many 2 year-olds even. I worked in childcare and as a pr-school teacher for many years, I am also the product of a working mother myself, so I know the value of quality childcare and preschool programs. Where I struggle is with the idea that children who don’t attend preschool will fall behind or that staying at home with a loving parent can be detrimental their development.

I get that studies show that preschool is beneficial to children in many ways and children who attend preschool are better prepared for kindergarten and have higher life time earning potential and yadayadayada.  I’m not discounting the value of a preschool experience BUT I also know that the first few years of life are the most important for building confident and independent children and the best way to support this confidence and independence is by providing unlimited, positive, loving support.  By encouraging a child to try new things and being there to help them problem solve, try again or work through their feelings when they are not successful, children learn to become confident and independent.

One of the stated “benefits” of preschool is getting children used to being away from Mommy and Daddy but how can a child who is one of up to 20 per adult (in some childcare/preschools) going to get that unlimited, positive, loving support that is necessary to build confidence and independence which is so much harder to teach to older children?  As an early childhood educator, I tried to instill the try-try-again attitude in my little ones and tried to be supportive of their frustrations but it’s a matter of time restraints that you cannot be there for every child every time.  At home with only 2 or 3 children of different developmental stages I can be there for each of them nearly every time.

As a professional I also always strived to “keep my cool” and not get overwhelmed or frustrated in front of my class.  While I still try to keep my temper under control at home, there are times when I lose it and I think this is actually great for children to see.  I am able to model how to work through frustration and if I react inappropriately to something I can come back and discuss why it was inappropriate later.  Children don’t get that kind of modeling away from home.

I think the emphasis on preschool being required for early academic learning is ridiculous.  My children are learning just as much at home with me as they would be at school.  Sugarplum can recognize nearly all the letters of the alphabet; she can write her name; she knows all of her colors and shapes; she can confidently count to 30 and sometimes beyond; and she recognizes the digits 0-9.  She has not spent 1 minute of her life in a preschool program, she learned all of this from being at home with me, through reading books, singing songs and having meaningful conversations.

The benefit of preschool for social reasons is also a bit unnecessary to me.  I think there are many ways other than preschool to give children these developmental opportunities.  Sugarplum attends gymnastics once a week where she is required to follow directions and the rules of the class and listen to another adult.  My children are also left 4 days a week with people other than me including hubby, grandparents, aunts and my friends which gives them the opportunity to learn respect for all adults.  We also get together at least twice a week with friends for play dates at our house or theirs, romps at the park, lunch or snack at a restaurant or open play at the local rec center.  All of these experiences give children the opportunity to learn to interact and play well with other children.

Honestly, I don’t think my children are missing out on anything by being at home with me rather than at preschool.  I do think, however, they would miss out greatly on learning the importance of family, love and support which can only be taught at home.  This isn’t to say that children whose parents work and do have to go to childcare/preschool are being harmed in any way but I wish our culture would put more value on the home environment for those of us who choose to stay home or who are forced to stay home due to unemployment or lack of reasonable income.  It saddens me that parents are struggling to pay for preschool believing their children will be put at a disadvantage without it when really parents are the most important teacher their children will ever have.