I know to many people I may look like a mommy expert. I look like I’ve got it all together and like I know exactly what I’m doing. Some people may think “she’s on her 3rd, she’s got to know what she’s doing by now!” But I realized the other day, that we are all always first time mommies.
Sure, I’ve got a pretty good grasp of what to do with an 8 month old. I know what’s normal and what’s unusual. I know when to be worried and when things are okay. This is my 3rd 8 month old, I’m comfortable with it.
But I’ve never been a mommy to a 5 year, 6 month and 1 week old before. And tomorrow will be my first time as a mommy to a 5 year, 6 month, 1 week and 1 day old. And while it may not seem like a big deal, every year, every stage, every DAY is a new experience for her and for me.
I had to make a really uncomfortable phone call the other day (which was made even worse because I HATE talking on the phone, I’d much rather talk face to face). I was in a place where I had to advocate for my child in a way I’ve never had to do before. And towards the end of the 11 minute and 48 second call, I said “She’s 5, but I’m still pretty new at this mommy thing,” and I meant it. I felt like I was back to her first months.
The discomfort, heartache and anguish I felt as I had that conversation was the same as I felt the first time she had a tummy ache at only a few weeks old as she just cried and cried and cried in my arms. After that conversation, I called hubby just as I had so many years ago, on the verge of tears because I only want my baby to be happy and not always knowing how to give it to her rips my heart apart.
Mommying is never easy (in fact, “Mommying is Hard”) and I’m sure in a few years when Doodle is 5 years, 6 months and 1 week old I will look back at this post and wonder “What was I complaining about? 10 years and 4 months…now that’s a hard age!”
