I’m sure you’ve seen it. I’ve seen it many times before and it’s started making re-appearances on my Facebook newsfeed: the “How did we survive childhood?” thing that talks about all the things we used to do growing up that are no longer deemed appropriate and (in this mommy’s opinion) pokes fun at the way we raise children now, basically implying that we are “overprotecting” our children and that there was nothing wrong with the way were raised.
Even though I’m a pretty young mommy, I was raised similar to the way described and don’t feel my parents were reckless or careless. But does that mean I’m raising my children the same way? No. Why? Because now that we know better, we can do better.
Here are my thoughts on some of the topics listed:
(Note: there are a few versions out there of this type of thing and I have no idea where any of them originated or who the original author is, so I’m not going to quote directly)
Pregnant mothers used to drink, smoke and eat whatever they wanted: Yes, many of us turned out ok when our mothers did these things. But there were some who didn’t. There were some who were born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, drug addiction and other major health problems. While I don’t agree that small amounts of some of these “banned” substances is harmful, I do think that it is better to say none at all until we have the basis for knowing how much is too much.
We rode in the car unrestrained: This one really gets me. I take car safety and kids extremely seriously. Yes, my parents survived their childhoods just fine riding in the car unrestrained (I did have a car seat, a top of the line one that my mommy is very proud of!) but don’t even think for a second that this was the case for every child. I know first-hand the consequences of not properly restraining a child in the car: I had a neighbor growing up who was a few years younger than me who flew through the windshield of his family car because he was not restrained. He spent most of my growing up years riding his bike around our neighborhood circle. Now, as an adult, he has an ATV and still does the same, riding around the neighborhood. Don’t tell me car seats are unnecessary because YOU turned out fine, there are children who didn’t and children who aren’t even here to tell you why it’s so important (car fatalities are still the #1 killer of children in America).
Babies slept on their tummies: Putting a baby to sleep on his/her back is known to lower the risks of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS/Cot death). I know many parents who still put their babies to sleep on their tummies and I’m not going to judge them on this one. There are many things that are proven to reduce the risk of SIDS and I don’t follow all of them myself (such as using a pacifier) but I never felt that putting my babies to sleep on their tummies would provide any great advantage to my life so why risk theirs?
We played outside all the time: This one I agree we need more of. Children should be outside more, playing, running, riding bikes. But when? When is this “outside time” supposed to happen in a world where my child is at school for 6 hours a day then has 30+ minutes of homework and then is so tired ( from waking up at 6:30 in the morning) she can’t function so needs a nap just so she can make it through a family dinner before bed? And how are my children supposed to play safely outside when the housing developments are built with no yards and the cars go way to fast up and down the street? Am I being over protective by not letting them ride their bikes in the road (and NEVER without a helmet)? Or are other people being reckless by only thinking of themselves and their priorities?
We didn’t have cell phones and parents didn’t know where their kids were: You better believe it’s going to be a long time before my kids are left to play alone outside. Why? Our yard isn’t fenced in and I don’t know most of my neighbors from Joe Schmo. That whole “sense of community” that apparently used to be a thing, isn’t any more. Most everyone is out for themselves and doesn’t have the time to worry about other people and their children. Does this mean my children are getting cell phones this week? No, I fully intend to make my children’s lives miserable by making them the last ones to get a cell phone because I expect for quite a while longer, they will always be with a trusted adult who will undoubtedly have a cell phone.
We survived without video games and electronics: Yes, we did. And I’m all for this one staying true. My children don’t get to watch TV regularly and even though they have electronics (too many of them!), I didn’t buy them.
So don’t look at me and judge me for how I am raising my children. Look at me and know that I am doing my best with what we know now. It doesn’t mean that my parents were wrong or their parents didn’t care, it just means we’ve learned from other parents’ mistakes and are trying to do better for our children.
Interesting how times have changed right?
Definitely, some for the better and some for the worse!
So many things we did without,and yes we turned out fine. I still do deprive my kids of some of the Norms today only because I know they can do without. Hoping that they chose to go outside and climb a tree rather than defeat the latest cyborg!
I too avoid a lot of the “norms” of today based on trying to always do what is best for my children and our family!
I would think the reason we(as a society) have changed the way things are done is because of all the dangers we found out from people doing those things in the past.
One thing I also find interesting is that in the past at least from what I remember washing hands and hand sanitizers weren’t the norm. Of course, we were told to wash our hands when we use the restroom or eat food but it was not stressed as it is today. I stress it to my son everyday! I don’t know if that is necessarily a good thing that we constantly relay on hand sanitizer. Is it helping our immune system or hurting it?
I agree the extreme washing and sanitizing is new. When I was working in childcare it seemed we spent all day washing hands (before and after eating, after diapering/toileting, after playing outside, after doing sensory work) yet it seems children in group care situations are constantly sick! I’m curious to see if future research shows the hand washing and sanitizing to be beneficial or if it’s actually harmful by killing all the bacteria, good included, and weakening our immune systems.
It is so much different today for my daughter than it was for me as a child. I agree some ways for the better and some for the worse too.
The “rules” are always changing, and you’re right, it’s not always for the better!