A few weeks back I came across an article on my Twitter feed that really struck a chord with me, it’s been on my mind ever since so I decided to revisit it. The article is on the “7 Stages of Unconditional Love”and while I’m not sure as to the basis behind the stages (from what I can tell, it is a theory the author developed after her own experience, much like my “Roy Theory” of Child Development), I’ve since looked up other “Stages of Love” and while they may be more credible or researched, none of them struck me like the original did.
The 7 stages include Crazy Love, Numb Love, Fun Love, Forgiving Love, Generous Love, Romantic Love and Unconditional Love. While I like to believe after 11 ½ years and 3 babies hubby and I are firmly in the Unconditional Love stage, he is not the reason the article has remained with me. What has stuck in my head is how these stages relate to my children!
The first stage, Crazy Love, involves a “release intoxicating chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine.” Ummm, so yeah…that totally sound like what happens to a mommy during pregnancy and childbirth! This Crazy Love phase also involves making one “spacey and dopey.” Mommy brain, anyone? This phase overlaps the numb love phase where you still can’t think straight and apparently can’t feel pain which reminds me of the early stages with a new baby when you are so infacuaed with your new little person that while the pain/discomfort of breastfeeding and after-pains can be bad, they are nothing compared to that sweet little thing in your arms!
The third stage, Fun Love comes about 9 months into the relationship and this the one that has really kept me thinking about love. 9 months. That’s where I am with Doodle. During Fun Love, all the chemicals have worn off and this stage of love is easy, you genuinely like being around each other and everything seems fun—even diaper changes and getting all wet even though it’s not YOUR bath time!
Forgiving love comes next and this makes me think of the toddler stage: “your partner is testing you.” Isn’t toddlerhood all about testing limits and seeing if you’re still loved? Generous Love comes next and I can confidently say after the “testing phase” of toddlerhood, children do indeed become generous, they starting doing things to please you and do so without expecting anything in return other than your love (which is basically the definition of Generous Love.”)
Romantic Love follows next while this one seems hard to relate to children, it’s really not that far of a stretch. This stage involves feeling like our partner is there for us, feeling secure and satisfied in the relationship. This is the phase in parenting, I think, when you start to relax and gain confidence in the job you are doing and you actually start really enjoying doing things with your kids like going to eat just the two of you or going to the movies. In this phase you kind of start dating your child, in a way, which is one of the keys for maintaining Romantic Love.
The last phase, Unconditional Love, though, I think actually come first when you’re talking about your children. This is the phase where you “stretch out of your comfort zone…Give freely. Forgive easily. Laugh, and never stop having fun.” I think the second you lock eyes on your beautiful baby (and sometimes even before, perhaps when you see their fuzzy figure on ultrasound or hear their heartbeat or feel their tiny little kicks) you’re there! You love this tiny little being more than anything and you would do anything for them. Some people question the existence of unconditional love, but I think parenting is proof that it exists!
