Far Away Friends

I greatly envy small children and their ability to easily make new friends.  Every time I take the girls to the park, we leave with them talking about a new friend they made and how that person invited them to their house or how my girls want them to our house sometime.  Of course these friendships are usually a one-time deal but I have no doubt that if each had a working toddler size smartphone they would be exchanging phone numbers (or Twitter handles!)

While I (think) I’m a very friendly person who’s easy to get along with, I’ve never been good at making friends.  I’m not the most outgoing person and while I can easily talk with strangers, especially if they initiate the conversation, I’m not good at “taking it to the next level.”  It takes me many chance meetings before I’m comfortable asking for a phone number or for another playdate.  But when I do manage to make a friend, it usually turns into a great, long lasting friendship.

There’s become a trend, though, in the world of my friendships: no matter how close we are, we always end up separated.  I spent the first 18 ½ years of my life in the same city and since then I have made 5 major moves, never spending more than 3 years in one place.  Of course my moving has ended many friendships, but I’ve noticed I tend to friend people who move around as well.

In High School, I didn’t have a lot of friends.  I spent so much time at the dance studio that the girls I danced with became my closest friends and I ended up spending even my free time with them rather than people from school (of course my senior year I only had 4 classes so was only at school 3 hours a day anyways…)  Those dancers that I so adored during my tumultuous teen years are now some of my closest allies as we all embark on this mommy adventure together (though I’m a few years and a few children ahead of the rest!) Of the good friends I’ve retained since High School, every single one of us moved away from Colorado (though many have since moved back).

I met hubby in my first week of college and so I never developed a large group of collegiate friends, though I did have a few very close friends.  Unfortunately, aside from Facebook, I’ve only really kept up with two of them.  And our years in Oklahoma and our first stop in South Florida were not much different.  I only came out with one lasting friend (though that time really helped boost my number of Facebook friends!)

Our time in Dublin provided me with my first large group of friends since I was in High School.  Two of my greatest friends in Dublin moved away the fall before we came back.  They were my only friends who lived in walking distance, they were also new to the area and didn’t have cars either so we would spend our days together with our kids, wandering and exploring Dublin. Their moving away had a lot to do with my longing to return “home.”  While I was closer to some friends in Dublin than I was to others, I’ve been able to keep in touch with many (even beyond their Facebook timelines).

And since returning to South Florida I’ve formed several friendships that I value deeply and see continuing long into our futures.  Yet the cycle continues.  A family we were good friends with moved away in the fall and now one of my greatest friends in Florida (whose family we have grown very close with as well) is preparing to leave too.  And as sad as I am for myself losing a friend, I’m even sadder for my children losing more friends.

When we left Dublin, Honeybun spent many months talking about her friends she missed in Dublin and while she has made many more new and great friends in school and dance, I still miss the friendships she had in Dublin (though now she only remembers the ones we keep up with over Skype).  I’ve come to accept that losing and making new friendships is just a part of my life, but it’s really sad to think about it having to be a part of my children’s lives too.

And while not ideal, I am very thankful for the technology that exists which we can use to stay connected.  I love that I can easily stay up to date in many people’s lives through Facebook and that we can continue having “face-to-face” experiences no matter how far the distance between.  And it really is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder and I it makes me so thankful for every second I get to spend in reality with my far away friends!