There are many ways to bond with a new baby and help that baby build secure attachments. Some parents feel that bond right away but for others it takes a little more time, time to get to know one another and start to feel confident in their new roles.
One way many new mommies work on that bond with a new baby is through breastfeeding. There are so many benefits to breastfeeding but bonding and creating a secure attachment is perhaps one of the most important.
Snuggling a new baby close and continuing to provide all the nourishment a baby needs is an amazing thing. Learning to listen to your baby’s cues and decipher his cries and then provide him with the comfort and closeness he desires helps him develop trust and an understanding that he can rely on you to be there and take care of his needs (this is the Basic Trust vs. Mistrust age of Erikson’s developmental theory.)
The time spent breastfeeding, however, isn’t just about nutrition. It’s about taking the time to get to know each other, to stare into each other’s eyes, to just sit quietly together. Everything a baby sees and does in those first months is new and I can only imagine how overwhelming that can be.
Babies naturally use nursing for comfort whether scared, tired, hurt or hungry. A mommy’s embrace is warm, her smell comforting and her heartbeat familiar. A new baby takes comfort in being soothed by her mommy and quickly learns being close and nursing makes them feel better. And older babies and children will continue to use the closeness of nursing for comfort and reassurance.
Breastfeeding does not just help promote bonding and a secure attachment for the baby, though. The “love” hormone, oxytocin, that makes people feel happiness, elation, comfortable and relaxed is secreted in the mother during breastfeeding and can literally help a mommy “feel the love.” And when mommy is in love with her child, she is more likely to meet baby’s needs quickly and lovingly which promotes the bond and attachment.
Of course, breastfeeding is not the only way to promote a secure attachment. Mommies can still promote bonding and secure attachment while bottle feeding by being responsive, holding baby close and interacting with baby. And if nursing isn’t possible, pumping or expressing milk will still provide mommy with the oxytocin benefits, especially if she pumps while baby is close by or while looking at a picture of baby (most pumping mommies know they will get an easier let down and more milk when away from baby if they look at a picture of their baby or watch a video, that is oxytocin doing it’s magic!)
While I’m not always tuned into my babies while nursing, often taking the opportunity to catch up on email (especially when baby is sleepy), I always take the opportunity to interact when baby engages me. I can’t resist a high-five when Doodle reaches his little hand up, or miss the opportunity to promote his language development by naming my features as he gently touches my eyes or nose. And NOTHING is cuter than a giggling little baby getting kisses from his loving big sister while snuggled close to mommy!
