Doodle is in a fun (or not) phase where now that he is mobile he can get into more things and is starting to test the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. In terms of Erikison’s “Eight Ages of Man” (still my favorite developmental theory), Doodle has come out of the Basic Trust vs. Basic Mistrust stage in which he was seeking constant comfort and support, developing a secure attachment and learning to trust those adults he knows and is now entering the Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt phase.
Children in this phase want to explore their world but also want to know they are safe and being watched (so a little bit still in the trust vs. mistrust stage). What gets frustrating as a parent though, it getting a toddler to understand and/or listen to directions and especially what is not appropriate.
Doodle is beginning to understand some things that are not acceptable. Things like putting the girls’ crumbs off the kitchen banquet in his mouth, he will often crawl over and when he finds a morsel he will look straight at me and if I am watching and say something he will pop it in his mouth quickly but if I don’t say anything he will do a slow-motion hand to mouth, waiting for me to tell him “no.”
He also has varied reactions to being told “no”. Sometimes when he is doing something I don’t want him to do, if I tell him “no, no” or “not for Doodle” (my most used phrases), he will do this little scrunchy faced smile and proceed anyways in defiance.
Other times, when he does something he shouldn’t (mostly when he throws his food on the floor and I tell him “not nice”) he makes the most exaggerated, yet totally adorable pouty face I’ve ever seen. Sometimes the pouty face turns to tears and sometimes he just does the pout, lets out a little whine and then gets over it. (And lately it’s turned into a smile after because I love his little face so much I’m over using the “not nice!” phrase just to see it!)
This phase of testing and pushing the boundaries lasts through the toddler years (and well into adolescence in some respects or adulthood in hubby’s case…). Both girls were also boundary testers in their own ways. Honeybun was more of a secretive boundary pusher, hiding to do things she knew she shouldn’t and Sugarplum was a major overreacter, losing all control in full Sugarplum meltdowns when told “no.”
I am very fortunate that Sugarplum has entered into the next phase of Initiative vs. Guilt in which she is very aware of the boundaries and rules of the house and is developing her understanding of the wider world and starting to formulate her own opinions and ideas. But with this entrance into the next stage, she is also starting to notice when Doodle is not following the rules and likes to try to take matters into her own hands (Honeybun was the worst about this, my sweet little rule follower!) If Doodle is trying to go into a room where he shouldn’t be (like the laundry room where we keep the cat food and water), knowing she isn’t allowed to pick him up, Sugarplum will just hold his leg and prevent him from crawling away while he screams and flails around.
I don’t remember exactly when the girls came out of the testing phase but I’m hoping Doodle stays in his current state of super cute boundary pushing instead of becoming a not-so-fun-to-be-around little limits tester!
