I am a big fan of most things that encourage early bonding and secure attachment like breastfeeding, baby wearing and sticking together. One aspect I’ve never embraced, though, is co-sleeping.
I’m a sleeper. I like to sleep. I need to sleep. And I need lots of sleep! The only time in my life I’ve felt really great pretty much all the time was when we were still in Oklahoma, before we had kids and I worked a 7:30 to 3:30 shift at work. I would wake at 6:30 and because hubby (before he was hubby!) got off at 4 and we had all night to get things done and hang out, we were usually ready for sleep by 9 leaving me with 9 ½ hours of slumber. And on weekends I could sleep as late as I wanted. It was glorious!
While I love snuggling my babies during the day and using it as an excuse to lounge around and get nothing done, when I am tired I want to sleep! With all my kids I have nursed in bed on occasion, dozing off now and again. But I always wake up a hot, sweating mess with dead asleep arms (I still haven’t figured out where to put my stupid arms when there’s a baby lying beside me!) and an aching back. Plus I never really go back to sleep, I just meander in and out of la-la-land and feel pretty terrible at the end of it.
I also look forward to the night when my babies sleep through without waking to feed and the night when I can get back to a full night’s sleep! I would worry with co-sleeping that I’d be building a dependence on the closeness or ease of feeding that would be hard to move away from as baby gets bigger and older. Plus, I’ve never really had the option to nap when baby naps so my babies need to be able to easily sleep in their own space without me.
A lot of mommies (especially those who breastfeed) choose to co-sleep for the ease of nightfeeding and I totally get that. Nothing is easier than just putting baby on the boob at the first whimper and going back to sleep but I’m pretty sure if a baby unexpectedly latched onto my boob in the middle of the night it would probably make me pee my pants.
Instead I keep my babies close by my bedside in a bassinet/basket/play yard/whatever they fit in until they are sleeping well at night. I keep then close enough to see as well as touch and rock if needed and I like being able to get them out of bed to feed without having to get out of my own bed. It’s worked well for us, allowing everyone to get decent sleep and not create habits that are hard to break.
It doesn’t mean I keep my distance from my babies all the time, though. I breastfeed on demand. I babywear a lot. I kiss, snuggle and hold my babies as much as I can. I just choose not to have them in my space while sleeping. I choose to give them their own safe and comfy space for sleeping but am always available to comfort, soothe and respond when necessary.
