The Value of a Child - Beyond Mommying

A few recent school events have left us feeling very frustrated with our situation (and leaning more heavily towards homeschooling, even hubby is now one click away from saying “go for it!”)

Honeybun informed us yesterday that she did not get her reading sheet in on time (our district does a year long reading program in which students earn awards for reading). This confused me because we returned the sheet a few days ahead of the deadline (over a month ago) completely filled out and were never notified that it was not received. I realize that it was an optional program but we have participated in nearly every event the school has offered, so I would hope the teacher would notice the missing sheet and ask if we were participating at which time I could have informed her we did indeed return the sheet on time. Instead, we had no idea the sheet never made it to the teacher and when it was found weeks later, Honeybun was made to throw it in the trash and told it was too late to get credit.

Then we got a packet of school pictures back. Her school does traditional school pictures in the fall and fancier, posed ones in the spring. We had planned not to do the spring pictures since we just did a great family shoot but there was no obligation to buy before the shoot so we signed the paper, assuming we would get an online link to order from. Nope, we were wrong, instead we got back a packet of pictures that we now have the option of paying for or sending back. When I told Honeybun we would probably send them back since we have the nice family ones, she got really upset and started yelling at me. Crying, she said “If you send them back, my teacher is going to throw them in the trash!” I tried to reason with her and explain, but she wasn’t listening so I left it telling her “we’ll talk to Daddy about it later.”

It wasn’t until later that night that it all came into perspective: By not wanting to keep the pictures, she sees it as us not wanting or loving her. To her, the pictures are a tangible, real-life representation of herself and how we view and treat the pictures translates to her as how we feel about her.

At first I didn’t understand why she thought the teacher would throw her pictures in the trash (the reading list event happened first but we didn’t hear about it until after the pictures) but now I can understand why she thinks that. When her teacher, a person she wants to please, trust and be cared for by, disregarded her hard work it must have made Honeybun feel like the teacher was disregarding her and devaluing her and her work.

At first I was angry. I emailed the teacher to follow up and find out what happened and I was disregarded and told my child did not hand it in on time and it was done. I filled with rage and frustration and wanted justice for my child. I wanted it to be made right, I wanted her to get her award that she worked hard for. I wanted her to be recognized with her class.

But now, the fury has passed and I’m broken-hearted. I am so sad for my child and the way she was treated. I am torn up by the fact that she could be hurt in such a way by a person she is supposed to trust, an adult that is supposed to care for her. To look at a child’s work and make HER throw it in the trash because it was late is just inexcusable. The teacher should have gently told Honeybun that it was late and held on to the paper then contacted us to inform us it was late (at which time I would have informed her it was not in fact late).

By making my child throw her work in the trash, the teacher basically told my child: I do not value your work and I do not value you. And where is a five year old to go who has no value? How is she to walk into that classroom every day and feel safe and loved?

This morning she told me “I really miss my old teacher.” And all I could muster the courage to say was “me too,” as I choked back the tears I wanted to spill for my child’s lost sense of self-worth.

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