It’s no secret, I hate homework. Everything about it, especially when pertaining to my five year old. But I have to admit, I’m actually a fan of Honeybun’s homework assignments this week. Her homework this week is simple: Do a random act of kindness. One a day and then write about what you did and how it made you feel.
FINALLY, a great homework assignment! Finally, something that isn’t busy work. Finally, something that actually TEACHES her something and bonus, it also helps our family. Finally, something that we won’t fight about and that will be quick and easy!
But, I guess I should amend my above statement: I have to admit, I’m actually a fan of THE IDEA of this week’s assignments. The intention is wonderful and something I was really excited about. But the actual execution has not been nearly as thrilling.
The first day I told her the assignment and go the now-typical Honeybun response: “I don’t know what that means! I’m not going to do it!” So I explain “A random act of kindness is doing something nice for someone without them asking you to. Doing something just to be nice. What do you think you could do?”
“I don’t know!”
“Alright, let’s start by picking a person to do something nice for.”
“Daddy.”
“Great. What can you do that would make him really happy?”
“Take the trash out?”
“That would be nice and helpful but he did it this morning so there isn’t any. Can you think of something else?”
“I don’t know what to do!”
“What else could you do to help daddy?”
“Can I make your bed?”
“Sure.”
She makes the bed and does her writing:
Day two: “Honeybun, what are you going to do for your random act of kindness?”
“Can I make your bed again?”
“No, you need to do something different.”
“I don’t know what to do!”
“Who do you want to do something for today?”
“Noone. I’m not doing it!”
“Then you’re not going to get credit for you assignment. You won’t get your sticker.” (her teacher puts a sticker on her homework sheet each week she completes all the assignments)
“I’m going to pass it!”
“Pass what?”
“I’m going to pass it! Use a pass.”
“A homework pass? No, you’re not because this is an easy assignment and it’s good for you to do it.”
“Fine! I’ll clean up Doodle’s toys.”
“Okay.”
She half cleans up Doodle’s toys and does her writing.
Day three: while walking home “Have you thought about your random act of kindness for today?”
“No.”
“Okay, well why don’t you think about it while we walk. There’s lots of things that need to be done at home!”
We get home. “Have you thought of something to do?”
“Can I clean Doodle’s toys again?”
“No, you need to think of something else.”
“I’m not doing it then! I can’t think of anything!”
“Ok, then you won’t get credit. You won’t get your sticker.”
“It’s stupid, I’m not doing it!”
Commence fussing, whining, crying and concluding with this:
Homework has been going really smoothly lately. We haven’t had many struggles recently (once we get started). Most days she does the work easily then we go about our day. I’ve figured out how to talk her through things (without giving her the answers, of course!) and get her to understand and have learned her trigger points and how to avoid them.
The problem this week’s assignment has presented, though, is that is requires independent thinking. Honeybun has an inherent lack of ability to use her own mind. She is a very quick learner, remembers everything and understands many advanced concepts. But she has always struggled in the area of problem solving. She is not good at coming up with her own ideas or troubleshooting. She can easily follow directions but if you ask her to figure something out on her own, she freaks out (and I mean FREAKS the heck OUT!)
I try to guide her thinking. I give her ample opportunities to “figure it out.” And I have figured out what type of learner she is and am comfortable with helping her learn in a way that works for her. But I have to admit, sometimes it is frustrating (and even overwhelming) to try to help a child who completely lacks problem solving skills, a child who was born with no problem solving skills, a child who needs to LEARN how to problem solve but is so outside of her comfort zone of “just getting it” that she shuts down and won’t even try. Because she doesn’t really have to try when learning other things.
