Usually I “blog ahead.” I try to write my posts at least a day ahead and just do a little fine tuning before posting them in the morning. Most of my writing happens during nap time, after the kids’ bedtime or in the wee hours of the morning when Doodle decides to wake up unnecessarily early (as he has been doing for the past two weeks).
But yesterday it didn’t happened at nap time, instead I did something I haven’t done in a long time: I took a nap too. For the 45 minutes Doodle actually slept, of course leaving me groggy and miserable the rest of the day. At bedtime? I went to bed too.
I’ve been tired lately. Just plain tired. It makes me grumpy, easily agitated and less than motivated. We got back from a 10-day adventure visiting hubby’s family on Monday morning and I’ve not done much since.
But it wasn’t just the trip that wiped me out, it’s life. I called hubby yesterday morning crying after I yelled at the girls when they wouldn’t follow directions and the frustration just spewed out of me. I’m not just physically exhausted, I’m tired of the way things are.
I’m tired of constantly taking care of other people and their needs while no one looks after mine and I’m tired of not having enough time or energy to look after myself.
I’m tired of doing it all and dong it alone. I have no one to help out and no one I can rely on when I desperately need help. I’m on my own and just plain lonely most of the time.
I’m tired of the house being criticized for my housekeeping but just don’t care enough to do it while managing three little ones and all their constant needs.
I’m tired of not being able to complete even the simplest tasks like doing the dishes or going to the bathroom without having to put out fires.
I’m tired of the arguing. Oh, the arguing! The constant questions, pushback and arguing I get from girls about every.single.thing I ask them to do.
I’m tired of dreaming of all the things I WANT to do and being unable to achieve any of it because even the thought of trying with three little helpers is overwhelming.
I’m tired. Just plain tired. I need a vacation from it. But not like I usually get where I’m still wholly responsible for my kids and their needs which is definitely not a vacation at all. I want to be with my kids, I just don’t want to deal with the screaming, arguing, cooking, cleaning and non-sense all the time.
