Kids Don’t Give Up Naps, Parents Do

I’ve heard it time and time again since I started working with young children 10 years ago, parents proclaiming “my child gave up napping at 2” (or 3 or whatever).  Whenever I hear these kinds of statements now, I’ll admit I chuckle a little bit for myself, for two reasons.  1) Because I feel bad for the parent who no longer has the glory of nap time in their day and 2) Because I know that children don’t give up naps, parents do.

My first year as a preschool teacher was a bit rough, while I was surrounded with wonderful teachers who taught me a lot, I didn’t mesh well with the Master Teacher I was paired with and so the days were long and sometimes tense.  But I nonetheless respected her experience and knowledge of a world I was just dipping my toes into and I did learn two very important things from her that I have taken with me: encouragement vs. praise and kids who sleep more sleep better.

I get it, it’s been a week and your little darling hasn’t napped.  Instead, she’s dancing around her room, coming out 45 minutes later saying she’s napped, waking up the baby, driving you crazy and you think “is this it?  Is she done napping?”

Or it’s bed time and your little one won’t settle down.  He’s all hyped up and it takes you until 11:00 to get him off to slumber land and all you can think is “what if I hadn’t let him nap so long/late today?  Should we cut out napping?”

My answer would be: probably not.  Young children are growing and changing constantly.  Their needs are ever-evolving and you can’t base a decision like nap time on a few days.

We all know when kids are growing they will eat, a lot!  And then when they’re done it may seem like they stop eating altogether.  Does that mean that you assume they’re done eating for life and it’s time to cut out lunch?  Heck no!  You know to keep offering food and they’ll cycle back around to eating normally again.

Sleeping is the same way.  My kids have been through soooooo many napping ups and downs but so far (with the exception of Honeybun at 6 years old), all of them have returned to regular napping after a short time and I’m glad I never gave up on nap time, because I need that time to rest, relax and regroup as much as they do!

At the preschool we used to constantly have parents coming in to us saying “Sally Jo won’t go to bed at night, please don’t let her sleep at nap time anymore.”  And it seemed totally logical.  Except that’s not how it actually works, usually.

I’m a big fan of late naps, pushing it as late as 3:00 most days.  And sometimes my little ones will sleep until dinner (which for us can be as late as 6:30 or 7:00 with hubby’s work schedule).  And then they’re back in bed by 8:00 or 8:30.

How does she do it, you ask?  It’s our routine, it’s our expectation, it’s what we do and what we’ve always done.  I’m sure my kids don’t fall asleep right away every night (and Honeybun has struggled more than the others) but they also generally don’t come out and bother us, nap or not.  They know to lay quietly, read a book, sing or whatever else they want to do in their rooms until they are tired.  And then they sleep until around 7:00, always have, nap or not.

But there’s this weird thing that is currently happening in our house that brings me back to my original point: kids who sleep more sleep better.

When we returned to the states from Dublin (we spent a week in Massachusetts with hubby’s family after), I expected my kids to be up waaaaay early due to the time change as they always were when we would return home while living there.  But Doodle slept in longer than usual, even with his normal bedtime and loooong naps.  He would go to bed at 8ish and sleep until 8:30 or 9:00.

I expected him to return to his usual 7:00 wake up when we returned home to Florida.  But he didn’t.  He continued napping normally and sleeping in until 8:00 or after.  That was until this week.  When Sugarplum decided to go off naps.  And thump around for an hour before waking Doodle up.

So Doodle is back to waking up before 7:00 and is napping less than an hour each day.  And bedtime has been horrible, he fusses, screams “no!” and fights us to the last minute, whining as we shut the door.  And all I can think is “If that poor kid could just get a decent nap, we’d be back to normal!”

Have you ever laid in bed at night, exhausted but unable to sleep?  Our bodies have a weird way of dealing with a lack of sleep and children are no different.  Children who are well-rested will easily lay down, drift to sleep and take a decent rest whether nap time or night-time: Children who sleep more sleep better.

There is a reason that every state (that I’m familiar with) requires nap time for all children up to kindergarten age in school/childcare settings: because young children really need that time to rest their bodies.  So next time your little one (I’m talking the under 5 crowd here) decides to not nap, consider sticking it through (unless those glorious hours of quiet time aren’t your thing).  Stick with the routine, set boundaries “you can lay in your bed and read, you can do quiet puzzles, you can…” but make them have that quiet time and I can almost guarantee you as your child’s body grows and changes they will cycle back to napping when they need it.

And being consistent with nap time and bedtime should help with night-time, too.  If your child doesn’t seem ready for bed at bed time, give them the same rules/options and let them drift to sleep when they are ready.

Sleeping is a habit and a skill that we all have to learn in life and like anything, some of us are better at it then others but setting our kids up to be successful will only makes us all a little more rested and hopefully less stressed!