Why Waiting for Baby is the Worst

The last time I saw my due date was with my firstborn.  She entered our world after an unwanted induction at 41 weeks, 2 days.  My last two were sweet enough to arrive before their official due date (though Doodle was only 1 day before) and I expected nothing less from this child.

Throughout this pregnancy whenever asked when I was due I would respond “early September, late Augustish, right on the line.”  I never expected to reach my official due date of September 1st because I never expected (nor wanted) a September baby.

But here I sit, as big as an elephant awaiting the opportunity to push a not-so-tiny newborn out of my lady parts.  Oh, and I’ve developed quite a delightful cold with hacking cough which is sure to make labor and early life with a newborn that much more miraculous (well-played, universe, you sure are showing this mommy who’s boss!)

Last night before bed, after a due date dinner date just the two of us (which did NOT result in a baby like our friends were fortunate enough to experience just a few weeks ago), hubby sweetly said to me “don’t freak out if the baby doesn’t come on Thursday, okay?”  I know his intentions were pure as he’s seen me struggle through the past few Fridays sans baby.  But what he probably doesn’t realize is that focusing on Thursday and freaking out when it hasn’t happened has kept me from freaking out about it every other second of every other day that goes by.  (What’s the deal with Thursday? Read here.)

Because waiting for a baby to come is the WORST for so many reasons:

You can’t make plans

I stopped making plans weeks ago in anticipation of baby’s arrival “any second” (ha!)  I don’t feel I can commit to anything because if baby comes then that will change everything.  And I really hate to cancel, especially last-minute (because it happens to me all.the.time and it really sucks) plus I don’t really think I’ll remember to call and say I can’t make our playdate if I happen to be in a labor at the time.  I know people wouldn’t hold it against me if I now showed due to pushing a small human out of my vagina, but I like to be courteous.  So I am stuck being a woman without a plan, just waiting.

You know that baby is just getting bigger in there

All I’ve dreamed about the last few months is how nice it would be to have another peanut like Sugarplum (who at 5 years old has yet to break 40 lbs) after my big guy Doodle whose lankiness has made him unwieldy from the start.  But I know that every day that goes by, this baby is just beefing up more and more which not only means I’m probably going to get another bigguns.

In prior weeks I could still hope that an earlier baby (especially a girl) would fall somewhere between the girls’ 7 1/2ish pounds and Doodle’s almost 9 pounds but every second s/he stays in, that hope diminishes (oh just the thought of it being bigger than Doodle…)

Pregnancy just plain sucks at the end

No need to sugarcoat it, pregnancy is no fun at the end (you can read all the reasons I’ve previously outlined here.)

Even once you’re ready, you’re stuck constantly re-preparing

Three weeks ago, I was still wildly unprepared for baby and while I would have still gladly welcomed him/her, I was thankful for the following week in which I fully prepared our home for baby to easily fit into and got everything sorted for our anticipated homebirth.  I’ve done laundry and cleaned the kitchen countless times in anticipation of not having another chance before baby arrives.  Yet life goes on without baby here, things get dirty and I’ve had to do it over and over and over again.  The “prep” work has become never-ending!

You have nothing better to do than plan, wait, contemplate and obsess

When all you’re doing with your time is sitting around, waiting for baby, your mind runs wild.  You have time to obsess over every detail of what might happen, what could happen, when it might happen, when it could happen.  Your mind becomes a cluster of possibilities and what ifs.  You dream of those moments a thousand times and set yourself up for what will surely be a let down when the scenario you get is not actually anything like the thousand you’ve imagined.

The people drive you crazy, all of them

Your other sweet children who play nicely and laugh uncontrollably (just be quiet!)
Your dear friends who send a constant stream of text and PM “how you doing”s and well wishes (I appreciate the thought but I’ll let you know!)
The cheerful clerks at stores that want to know when you’re due and what you’re having (for the millionth time, dear stranger, we don’t know!)
The soft-spoken, unusually polite and cheerful owner of the fancy restaurant where you eat as a couple and he nor none of the geriatric patrons filling the place have NOOOO idea this is your fourth who says he hopes to see you back when the gender will be apparent (does that open invitation include my other three darling and amazingly well-behaved children, dear sir, as I seem to have missed your children’s menu!)
Your amazing husband and other family members who try to help in every way possible (you want to help?  How about you reach your hand up there and get.this.thing.out.of.me!)

But there are a few positives as well, such as:

• the ability to pee a gallon of water without actually drinking anything
• a reasonable excuse for acting like a raging lunatic
• no need to explain why you have to lay on the couch all day and/or go to bed immediately after the kids (at 8 pm)
• not even having to work at getting people to help you with things
• being able to get a few more wears out of those expensive maternity clothes (even if they don’t really fit anymore)
• a heightened sense of sarcasm and witty banter

And really, this week hasn’t been all bad.  Because baby hasn’t arrived yet, I was able to take Sugarplum to her last class at her former gymnastics school, take Honeybun to her first class at her new dance studio and take them both to their first homeschool enrichment class, all things that would have been delegated to another responsible adult if baby were here.

I am trying to revel in every little kick (jab, poke, and alien baby position shift, too!).  I am trying to enjoy what it feels like to be pregnant these last moments, for this last time.  And I’m trying to suck in the calm before the storm.  But really, I’d just like this baby to hurry the heck up!!!