My journey being a Huffington Post Blog contributor has certainly been a wild ride. My first few posts got little attention but the last few have gotten quite a bit of action (though still far from going “viral”).
My first post to get noticed about finding love before technology didn’t get the response I expected. Some of the hateful, hurtful comments were hard to read and I felt like most people completely missed the point I was trying to make. But it taught me a lesson I needed to learn: anytime you write something, you’re putting yourself out there for criticism and so long as you believe in the words you are writing, you can’t go wrong.
I’ll admit, though, that first experience definitely changed how I go about sharing my writing. I am now more cautious with what I offer to Huffington Post and make sure it is something I can handle the feedback on. My second post to get attention, on my breastfeeding truth which I shared during World Breastfeeding Week, I knew would get tons of different feedback since it is such a polarizing topic but it was MY truth so I felt confident standing by it and the comments didn’t crush me like the first post.
I now have a third post getting attention. My “Teachers, This is Not About You” post has gotten quite a bit of feedback since it was picked up on Monday. But the early reaction was not as mixed as I expected, rather the comments were almost entirely based on all the stigmas, generalizations and misconceptions surrounding homeschooling (only recently have the pro-homeschooling commenters come out).
According to the majority of the commenters, by homeschooling my children I am ruining them for life in a number of ways. You can read all the comments here, but the themes that stick out are:
I’m not fit to teach my children at home.
“There are very few people who know enough math to effectively homeschool their children. I guess that I should qualify “effectively”, because anybody can teach their kids enough math for them to eventually work as a burger flipper.”
“You are limiting the child learning to what you know and ideas that are yours.”
“Most people are not qualified to home-school anyone past 3rd grade let alone high school. Unfortunately many kids are poorly educated via home-schooling even with well intentioned parents.”
“the prob i have with homeschooling is that the majority of the parents aren’t qualified to teach a snail.”
Despite my husband and I both having advanced degrees and mine being in education, I am clearly under qualified to teach my children anything. (Though I wholeheartedly believe that any parent who wants to can successfully homeschool their children with the wealth of information and support available in today’s world).
I’m robbing my children of real-world experience.
“She is stealing her child’s life . These kids grow up a little off center.”
“Reason No. 1- So that your children are not exposed in any way to dirty people whose views might be different than yours.”
“The curriculum is a small fraction of what’s going on in a schoolroom. It’s all those other things that kids need to be successful in life – socialization, acceptance of diversity, learning to work with others, making friends of both sexes, et. al. – and those skills are not acquired in a home school setting.”
“My main concern with homeschooling is my strong belief that kids need to be out in the world with a wide range of experiences and with a broad bunch of people in order to be prepared for adulthood . . . out in the world.”
“What about social education, do you want your child to be afraid of others idea’s and cultures?”
“So, good luck with the quality time, the being able to travel when you want, the not having to argue about homework, and the not having to expose your children to other world views but don’t expect any applause from the teachers who are, eventually, going to have to deal with your kids.”
Obviously, putting my children in an environment where they are made to sit down, be quiet and only get to interact with children their own age and authoritarian adults 6 hours a day far outweighs the experiences they’ve had traveling the world (seeing, experiencing, being in other cultures); interacting daily with people of all ages and abilities in our community; and attending homeschool groups as well as extra curricular and enrichment classes with kids of varying ages. Yep, I’m totally trying to keep my kids away from the “real world” by not putting them in public school…
I must be a religious nut.
“Two types of home schooling – FOOLISH religious based (where the damage IS often greater than schooling) and the free.”
“It has been my experience that most of the people that rob their children of a real education are doing it for religious reasons.”
“add to that all of that buybull thumping, anti real history and science.”
My children’s experience with religion is purely historical and they have only ever stepped foot in places of worship that have historical significance (Notre Dame, Westminster Abbey, the Blue Mosque) and for weddings and funerals. So…yeah, way to stereotype, people! (and I’d like to note I read that last comment at least 10 times before I figured what the heck “buybull” meant.)
I’m selfish.
“And how are your children doing? Of course homeschooling is attractive to parents who do not want to make the logistical effort of sending their children to school, but when do you start letting things slide?”
“I wonder if her kids were ever asked ‘Do you mind missing out on the interaction / experiences you would receive if you were taught in a school with exposure to, like, the world?'”
“There is not a word in the article about it being the best for her children or that it was what her children wanted. The whole article is WE the parents and most of the reasons given are convenience to her.”
Trust me when I say there is nothing selfish about homeschooling! Is it more convenient for our family, yes, for ALL of us. Of course it’s BETTER for our kids or we wouldn’t be doing it. I’d love those six free hours a day to do whatever mommy things I want but right now we have found homeschooling to benefit our entire family which is why we continue.
I will fail and the public schools will have to “fix” my kids.
“I have seen a lot of cases where homeschoolers finally realized that they were in over their heads, dumped their kids on a public school system, and then realized that – in some subject or another – their kids were going to have to take remedial classes. This puts a tremendous burden on the school.”
“I’ve met many home schooled kids and never met one who was a well rounded as one who attended a public school. Many were very immature and unable to participate in class or group setting in the secondary education setting.”
“How well will you learn algebra if your mom is also attempting to teach your sibling the multiplication tables, while nursing the new baby, and getting breakfast, lunch, and dinner on the table for 6 people?”
“I just retired from a quarter century of teaching high school. Over that time I had many students who had been home schooled up to age 16 or so – when the students wanted to go to school with others. Out of about 40-45 previously home schooled kids, only ONE ever succeeded in an actual school. All the others left – they either returned to home schooling or dropped out of school altogether – they did not have the social skills to deal with their peers – they were fine in relating to adults, but unable to negotiate relationships with young people.”
“So, check it out; all the families I’ve known to home school their kids..the mom (always the teacher) ran out of teaching gas when the oldest was in about fifth grade. I predict this young lady will too. Soon. Don’t try to be supermom. The public schools are fine. Or private schools. Whatever. Do not try it at home.”
Clearly all of this “personal experience” is grounded in research and reality. Yes, there is a strong chance my children will end up back in a traditional school setting some day. But am I worried about them being a burden because our homeschooling environment has been insufficient? Heck no, I’m genuinely worried about the opposite, in fact. Where will a public school place my children who are a year or more ahead of their peer group when they were already the youngest in their group anyways? My girls could realistically end up in a classroom with children 2 full years older than them (or more if they keep working at the pace they have thus far!)
My children will never go to college or be functioning adults
“Schools provide a framework and good academic skills PLUS the opportunity to find a career trajectory. My son found his passion for engineering while on the school robotics team. My daughter figured out what she DOESN’T want to do by sampling a variety of classes and extracuriculars. Those types of lessons are not happening to kids sitting at the kitchen table all day.”
“These kids grow up a little off center . As an employer I have had experiences where my other employees asked me to fire them. Their mannerisms , body language and speech pattern are extremely dosconcerting.”
“How does one deal with an unreasonable teacher/employer or drama with other kids if one is always at home with a parent and doesn’t have todo that?”
“I have two siblings who home schooled some of their children, what a fiasco…Now they have adult children who are nearly non functioning.”
All of this is soooo wrong and so against all research on homeschooling. As I mentioned before, my kids are a full grade level ahead (after only one year of homeschooling) and are already delving into their own interests which they wouldn’t have time for if in school all day. Honeybun loves to read (especially the American Girl books which are historically based) and is fascinated by dinosaurs. And both girls are getting to take many extracurriculars a week including dance, gymnastics, a geography class and golf lessons, there is NO way we could do all of these things if they were at school six hours a day and then had to do homework.
So what does the research say?
The number of homeschoolers nationally has doubled in the past 15 years and its popularity is growing among Silicon Valley techies and Black Families, among others. Many states, including my own Florida, have seen large increases in homeschooling families and North Carolina now has more students enrolled in homeschool than private schools (Canada has seen an increase as well).
And if you like numbers, check out this awesome graphic.
The problem with reading your articles in a different publication is that it’s a snapshot from your greater story, which is chronicled on your blog. Your core readers know the context each of your posts are grounded in, which makes for a funny read when someone accuses you of being a religious fanatic!
Absolutely, Jen! I am just so amazed that these homeschooling stereotypes have persisted despite mounting evidence and publicity on the reality. And as far as the religious aspect goes, in my community most homeschoolers are religious but that is not generally WHY they homeschool though it can be a big part of their family life, teaching methods and curriculum choices.
It was nice of the nay-sayers to give you content for a whole article since that is all they proved with their bashing comments. Maybe the real problem in this world is that people spend too much time worrying about what “other people” are doing. I can’t wait to read what you write when your home schooler wins a Nobel Proze ;) Kudos for standing up for yourself and being an awesome Mom who wants to do what is best for her kids and her family!!!!
Thanks, Tara! I think you’re right that people just have too much time to worry about other people and try to cause drama on the internet.
Hey Melissa! Don’t feel the need to respond to the negative comments. Trust me that I’ve had my fair share of Internet trolls out there and I’m so used to it by now that I barely even bother by reading any of them (My private vs. public school post that ended up on Yahoo some time ago got over 1000 comments, with a lot of attacks on me). With that being said, I understand both sides of the argument and I understand your stance completely. Every family is different and we all do what’s best based on our circumstances. To be completely honest with you, I am extremely happy with the decision we made to put our kids in a private school. Sure, it breaks the bank and we have to work real hard to make the tuition payments, but like I saw – better to make things tough now so we can reap the rewards later. The one thing I will say about teachers though is that I’m happy that my children have the opportunity to respect and learn from other authoritative figures in their lives, other than their mom and dad. I like the fact that their building relationships while learning to both love and trust their teachers along with their peers in school. It’s not about giving me a 7 hour break per day (break? what break), but more about giving them the independence to navigate through school life by being independent thinkers, making mistakes and learning from them, too. It’s about having discussions with people who don’t always agree with you and learning the fine art of compromise through life. Sure, it’s hard as hell to wake up early in the morning, have to sit in class for a certain amount of time and follow the rules, but hey, that’s what life is about. There’s a good chance that they’ll be doing the same during their adult lives too when it’s time for them to look for jobs in the real world, too. And while I can see how much flexibility homeschooling gives families, schools also give children the everyday structure they need and crave, too. Traveling when you want is great, but that won’t always be the case in life, especially when a future employer says no when you want certain days off. Sometimes you just can’t go against the status quo and kids need to learn that somehow, too. My only concern is if kids grow up thinking the world revolves around them and their needs and them not learning how to adapt to others. While I have no doubt that you are a GREAT homeschooling parent, I just couldn’t see myself doing it, too. Sometimes it does take a village, and for me, I know what my strength and weaknesses are. Yes, I have a degree too, but could I teach my kids Spanish, French, certain musical instruments, advanced math and science? No. My kids would be only open to my limited knowledge in certain areas, that’s what I leave it up to their teachers to do the wonderful job they are doing. And as far as the system being broken, we all know that. But the world is broken too, and yet we are still functioning and living in it.
This is the beautiful thing about our world, Joanna…we all get to make the choices that work for us and I am so happy that you found a solution that works well for your family. I can see how people think that homeschool allows children to feel in charge and not have to conform to societal standards but for us that’s part of what’s nice about it, we can teach our children to be independent thinkers, decide what they believe in and then stand up for it. They are not forced to blindly follow authority, they are given the chance to argue (a little) and learn independence as well as respect. But they also get the chance to attend classes with other adults where they get plenty of opportunities to follow rules and work with others.
Just one more thought: they great thing about schools (whether they be public or private) is that kids get to discover what they like and don’t like along with their talents, something I wouldn’t be able to do at home. Who knew my 7-year-old would love to play chess while my 5-year-old would want to play basketball and has a knack for art? I understand that some of these extra-curricular activities might be a burden, but it also gives children the opportunity to shine and learn about themselves. One other thing I absolutely love about the kids’ schools is that there is HUGE parental involvement. The kids love it when I come in to volunteer (the look on their faces when I am mystery reader is priceless) and they also build wonderful memories through their field trips, school spaghetti dinners, parades, and if you ask my daughter – the annual Daddy and Daughter dance – which according to her was the best night of her life. Sure, we do things as a family, but in this case, we get to do things as a community, which is just as important in their development, too. Yes, homeschooling has a community too, but not at this same scale and scope.
I love the idea of parental involvement at school and the “community” but our school reality was very different from yours. Parents like myself, with younger children, or those who work outside the home are often unable to participate in the classroom and in a school with almost 1,000 children, that community feeling just did not exist. I tried my best to be present in our school as much as possible both in the classroom and attending various meetings and frankly felt out of place and unwanted each and every time. It’s true our homeschool community is much smaller but I know the parents, I know the kids and my whole family is welcome, my younger children are not banned from attending anything. My girls also have many more opportunities to explore and delve into their interests. Prior to making the switch, they weren’t really into anything in particular because there wasn’t time and now both have very strong interests which we are able to promote.
Melissa,
I love your posts and find them truly thought provoking. You actually made me look at home schooling (and home birth) in a completely different way. I think you and your husband are really inspirational as parents and I love that you consistently chose to do what works best for your family, instead of what societal pressure and traditions dictate. While you may be getting some negative feed back, rest assured there are plenty of us out there who commend and encourage you!
Jackie
Thank you so much, Jackie. All I have ever set out to do with Beyond Mommying is to share my truth and experiences and I am so happy to know that it has helped others to examine the way they view the world as well. I see the negative comments, even when they sting, as an opportunity to look deeper into myself and my beliefs and in the end just make me a stronger person and better writer.
SORRY one last last thing…. a lot of people like to look at research and studies, etc. and you say that the girls are already one year ahead of their traditional-schooled pears. Education is not a competition. It’s not about how they exceed in school and how much they can fill in their little memory banks. As a parent, I’m more concerned about them learning critical and analytical thinking, learning how to adapt in group settings, being compassionate to other people’s needs and learning everyday skills. Those are all things you can’t learn in a class setting (no matter where that class is) but rather with real-world experiences. If I have to, I’ll throw them in the wild if that’s the only way they’ll learn. And Melissa, keep in mind, you’re a mother, not a martyr. Let them go, let them learn. Let them fall, let them feel that burn. You won’t be able to do that if you always have your eye on them. But just always be well-stocked with band-aids when they come back running with their wounds.
Joanna, those are all the things that I value as well and focus on every day with my children. Our goal in homeschooling is in no way to keep them from failing or experiencing the world, quite the opposite, in fact. But when you see your child falling apart, when you carry the guilt of causing it and have the opportunity to fix, why wouldn’t you take it? That is how we got here and I don’t regret our decision or all the things my children may “miss out” on because they are learning, growing and most importantly, they’re HAPPY!
I loved homeschooling and while we generally used the method of unschooling my children are all in different places. My 5th grader is far ahead of his peers socially and in reading. My 3rd grader passes testing but still struggles a bit he is far more social than the kids in his class, he also finds them to be a bit immature . I fell to parental pressure of the neighborhood to allow them to go to public school this year, 4 weeks in I regret it. The attitudes, poor behavior are reflecting big time since they have been in public education. This is the last we will do public education, not only are they forced to sit and be quiet all day, they are falling behind in reading and math because there are far to many students in 1 class.
Sarah, at least now you know from experience that public school is not right for your family. I’m glad we did the few years of mainstreamed education so that we can feel confident that we are making the right choice for our family, I think without giving it a try we would always wonder if it was really right for us.
It seems today everyone has to give their opinion on how others parent.
At least the comments gave you enough to write a new post. (Got to look at the bright side, right?)
We are in our second year homeschooling, and while I’m not sure how long we will choose to homeschool, I am not worried that my kids will be “off center” or a burden to the school. My daughter is super social and the doctor has told us on more than one occasion that they have a vocabulary well over their peers. And for those that think school will give them more “real life experiences,” obviously they don’t know what school is like now compared to the experiences most homeschoolers have.
Agreed, Christina! My children get way more “real life” being at “home” with me than they would in a classroom because we aren’t at home all the time! Even just out running errands, they get more opportunity to interact with different kinds of people than they ever would at school.
It sounds like your kids are doing great! I had once thought of home schooling, and it’s not completely out of the picture. I think you having a degree in Education is a major plus for your kids. You know what you’re doing.Taking them traveling too, is such an awesome education! And I love that you’re not a religious fanatic because it breaks that stereotype. You are an open-minded parent and teacher and that’s great! I do want to point out though that there are parents out there who aren’t homeschooling for the benefit of their kids. I have a family member that home schools her kids because she’s a religious fanatic and refuses to let her children be “subjected to Muslims.” She’s very racist, and extremely judgmental and uses the Bible every chance she gets as her “excuse” to talk down to people who she sees as inferior.The worst part about her though is that every time she talks about home schooling, she puts down EVERY parent who sends their kids to public school. She has a serious superiority complex. I love your posts about home schooling because you don’t do that so thank you and I happened to like your article.I may not home school my kids, and I have my reasons for that, but I respect parents like you, who do. It sounds like you’re kids are going to be very successful in life. Sorry about the long comment. This is a great post and I,for one, respect your decision. Thanks for sharing!
Michelle, thank you so much for your long comment, you make a lot of awesome points. There are a lot of homeschoolers out there that fit the “mold” and unfortunately perpetuate the stereotypes and that is why it’s important to me to break them because as homeschooling becomes more popular and mainstream, it’s families like ours that are doing it.
Most of the commenters on that HuffPo post were nasty and superior in general, not just about home educators. There were a lot of tender egos on show.
It was really sad that only one teacher was willing to accept your affirmation. I was a teacher and our children are not in school. Yes, the things you noted in your post are all true.
Thanks, Anthea. I find it’s easy for people to forget common courtesy and respect when in these types of public forums, they don’t see the harm in their words so spout them off freely which is ironic because I spend every day (while homeschooling) teaching my children that we can’t just say everything we think and have to be considerate of how our words affect others…
I’m also concerned about the logical fallacy of implying that people of faith should not be allowed to educate their children to the standard of excellence that is attainable through a living education out of school.
So, only atheists should have choice in child rearing? I don’t think so. Some naysayers think that they are North Korea, methinks.