Tonight is a big night for our family. Doodle is going to try staying the night with my parents and it’s my first time leaving baby. Amazingly, Pipsqueak just attained the ripe age of three months and I’ve never yet been away from him. I haven’t been to the grocery store without him, out on a date with hubby, or even taken Honeybun to ballet without him coming along. It’s hard for even me to believe!
I’m definitely not one of “those” mommies who freaks out at the thought of leaving baby for even a few minutes. I left Honeybun with hubby to do a quick Babies’R’Us run when she was only a few days old (we won’t talk about how I cried nearly the entire time). And while I don’t distinctly remember leaving Sugarplum or Doodle for the first time (though the first long time with him was when I went for a job interview), I know they weren’t too big when I left them for a short time.
The reason I haven’t left Pipsqueak yet is simple: he’s too easy to bring along! When given the opportunity to leave a child or two behind, I’m definitely not going to pick the sweet little compact one who does whatever I say and rides along happily, nestled in my sling. No, I’m going to leave a few of the other three that like to run around like maniacs and only follow directions about 47% of the time.
Plus, leaving Pipsqueak always runs the risk of him wanting to eat while I’m gone and that’s a whole other issue! Why would I go through the trouble of having everything ready for him to have a bottle just in case when I’m only going to be down the street for an hour? It’s easier just to take him with me and if he’s hungry, I’m ready! (Luckily we did a bottle trial run a few night ago and he did awesome, delighted by its contents, angry when the 1 ounce I pumped him was gone and even wanted to hold the bottle himself!)
I definitely think leaving baby is a lot harder on breastfeeding mommies because there is a lot more preparation that goes in to it. Nursing mommies aren’t used to having bottles ready at any moment. Milk usually has to be collected or at least thawed in order for baby to have a bottle. Plus some babies (like my Sugarplum and Doodle) aren’t too keen on bottles so it can become very stressful for baby and whoever is watching him/her.
And because it’s harder for nursing mommies to get away, I think we get a lot more negative feedback about it. We often hear things like “it doesn’t matter, just give the baby a bottle” or “one bottle won’t hurt him/her.” And while it’s true a bottle or two won’t harm the baby (assuming s/he will take it!), people in these situations often forget one very important fact: breastfeeding is a partnership.
Breastfeeding is not just about the baby. In fact, giving the bottle is the easy part of leaving baby. But what goes in that bottle? Most breastfeeding mommies want their babies to have breastmilk in their bottles whenever possible and you can’t get that at Target! So nursing mommies have to pump or express milk for the baby to have before she leaves, somewhere between all the regular feeds the baby is having. For some of us with an oversupply of milk, it’s not a problem but for mommies who don’t have excess milk, expressing to feed a bottle while away can be extremely stressful.
Then there’s the time when mommy is actually away from baby. Guess what…my body doesn’t know when I’m not with my baby so still makes milk! This can result in full, engorged, leaky breasts or the need for mommy to pump. Neither of which is that fun or exciting. (I remember the first night we went out without Doodle, I fed him and put on a strapless dress which required a strapless bra to fill out the dress enough to keep it on but by the end of the night, I had to take the bra off because I was about to bust out the dress!)
Babies are extremely resilient, most will easily take a bottle and be fine away from mommy for a few hours but it’s not always so easy for a breastfeeding mommy to be away from her baby (remember the next time you suggest a breastfeeding mommy simply “leave the baby for a few hours,” it’s never simple!)
But there are things mommies can do to make being away easier:
Boob pads
Don’t forget them and make sure you’ve got good ones! When I’m out without baby, I like the silicone stick on kind because they don’t show, the way you compress the nipple to put them on curbs leaking and if you do leak a little, it usually stays nicely contained within the pad. (Stick-on paper or reusable fabric ones do the job, too, but I find them bulkier and harder to hide and as the breasts fill up, they sometimes don’t stay covering the part that needs protection!)
Dress for expansion
As my story above demonstrates, you’ll want to wear something that not only fits when your boobs are empty after feeding baby (or pumping) but also after your boobs balloon up three sizes bigger with milk. (I made the mistake my first night out without Honeybun of wearing a dress with little top coverage and by the end of the night I was busting out on all sides and was terribly uncomfortable showing off more than I expected…thank goodness I always carry a sweater with me!)
Bring your pump
I always bring a pump when I’m not used to being away from my baby. I don’t always use it and often leave it in the car, but knowing I have it makes me feel much more relaxed and less anxious about hurrying back. Whether you bring just a small hand pump or your full-size double electric will depend on how long you’re going to be away and what you’re more comfortable with.
Try not to think about it
Whether you’re breastfeeding or not or your baby is a newborn or teenager, they’ll never be far from your mind, but try not to think about baby needing to eat, getting a bottle, breastfeeding, your full breasts or anything else boob related because this is the easiest way to cause a milk flood in two second flat!
