Even I am surprised that we’ve made it nearly 6 months with my last baby without all the “feelings.” I was sure I would be an emotional train wreck his entire infancy (and maybe even his entire life!)
But here we are, 6 months in. I’ve gone through his pregnancy, birth, first days, first months and tons of milestones like sitting up and laughing. Yet I’ve avoided the flood of last baby emotions and overwhelming sadness I’d expected to have.
Until this weekend.
We did a ton of rearranging around the house. Honeybun switched bedrooms, hubby’s office moved up stairs and we finally got Pipsqueak’s room ready.
Which meant we were ready to move him out of our room. It’s not a big deal, really. All my other babies were out of our room before 6 months (Honeybun at a measly 11 weeks because she was such a good sleeper.)
But it is a big deal because it’s the first time I’ve had the last baby blues. The first time I’ve looked at him and thought “oh my gosh, this is my LAST baby!” And the first time I’ve gotten really sad about it.
Despite the fact that he’s been sitting independently for over a month, sleeping through the night for a few weeks and starting to manage his own needs a little, even babbling sometimes, for some reason, not having his bed near mine anymore is what has really solidified the fact that he is no longer a little baby. And the fact that he is my last baby is just too much.
It’s just a giant reminder there will be no more. No more tiny baby snuggles. No more tiny baby smiles. No more tiny baby giggles. No more tiny baby clothes or tiny baby diapers. No more squishing a tiny little baby into the sling, close to my heart.
I mean, I still get all the bigger baby cuddles. And the toddler smiles. And the 5 year old giggles. And the cute, trendy pre-tween clothes (and thankfully no more diapers!) And I can still hold, snuggle and carry every single one of them close to my heart. But, it’s not the same.
I’ve always been a baby person, my heart melts for those tiny little things and it’s really hard to imagine my life without another. But it is my reality, Pipsqueak will be my last baby for many reasons (I’ve only ever wanted 4, hubby will have NO more and even though I could do 1,000 babies I really don’t want any more kids!)
So I’m learning to deal with my new reality and learning to cope with the reality of my little baby days being over. And I look forward to our future, seeing all that my children grow into and become. But, really, there is no greater joy in life (that I’ve found yet) that compares to holding such a tiny, new person in your hands.
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