Hubby and I have had the pleasure of being given two fiery children (strong-willed, high-strung, high maintenance, bossy, particular, stubborn, whatever description you prefer, they’re all of it!) And with their little fiery personalities comes a lot of drama. And fits. And tantrums. So many tantrums. But over the past almost 6 years, I’ve learned a few things about kids and fits and more importantly, how to survive toddler tantrums.
10 ways to love your children through fits and survive toddler tantrums
Before a full-on tantrum starts, try:
Tickling
Tickle your child to try to bring them out of their bad mood before it goes too far and into full meltdown.
Surprising
Do something outrageous (scream “look over there!” or start jumping around on one leg) to draw your child’s attention away from whatever they’re getting upset about.
Playing
Without saying anything, just sit down and begin to play with one of your child’s favorite toys. Build a tall block tower or small train track and usually your child will come see what you’re doing when you don’t acknowledge his/her fit.
If a full-on fit can’t be avoided, here’s how to survive toddler tantrums:
Listen
The most important thing you can do when a young child begins to lose it is to listen. Do your best to figure out exactly what they’re upset about before you react.
Squat
Getting down on the child’s level, eye-to-eye, places you on equal ground. It shows the child that you are not trying to control them and that you are interested in their feelings and what they are trying to say.
Whisper
It’s totally counter-intuitive to whisper to someone who is screaming but lowering your voice can also lower your blood pressure helping you to keep a cool head and our children often feed off of our feelings so by bringing the tone down instead of escalating, it shows the child that we expect them to be calm. Plus the child won’t be able to hear you whispering if they’re screaming so may stop in order to hear you.
Acknowledge
Once you know what your child is upset about, acknowledge their feelings. Repeat what they are saying and tell them “I know you want/feel…” but don’t try to reason with them (it won’t work!) and avoid the “buts” and “nos,” simply let your child know that you hear what they are saying.
Squeeze
Often giving a child’s upper arms or legs a firm squeeze as you talk to them quietly helps to provide calming sensory stimulation (this is an awesome trick I learned while working with challenging preschoolers way back before I was a mommy.)
Cuddle
If your child allows it (some, like Sugarplum, won’t) scoop that baby up into a full-on cuddle. Wrap your child up in your arms and just hold him/her. We all like being wrapped up in love when we’re upset and our children are no different plus the closeness also helps to clear your mind and reset back to a loving place.
Negotiate
When calm enough, offer your child an alternative to the thing they are upset about (“we can’t go to the zoo today but we can play in the yard” or “you can’t have cookies because it’s almost dinnertime but would you like some of the vegetables I’m cutting up for dinner?”) This isn’t the same as giving in to your child but rather another way to acknowledge their feelings and to move away from them feeling like you’re being a dictator.
And at the end of a particularly hard day, when you’ve had trouble managing and simply loving your children, spend a few minutes after bedtime sitting with them while they sleep. I promise you seeing your sweet little ones in calm slumber will instantly remind you of all the reasons you love them.
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