As a homeschooling family, we are constantly faced with judgement from others. We are still part of a lesser-known and very misunderstood group. We are modern homeschoolers who chose this path for a multitude of reasons but are still looked at as the “outliers,” assumed to be religious fanatics or “off-the-grid” types.
We are constantly faced with the same questions (“what grade are you in?” “Do you know <insert random fact>?”) and the same generalizations that our fellow homeschoolers all over the world face. We are surrounded by the myths that have entrenched the idea and cultural understanding of homeschooling, the strongest of those being a severe lack of socialization.
It is often assumed that my children spend their days locked up in our house, rarely allowed to see the sunshine let alone interact with the “real” world when in reality, my children spend much more time outdoors these days doing their schoolwork than in and we spend hours each day out in our community whether it’s running errands, taking care of other life tasks, visiting the library, seeing friends, visiting museums or attending dance and gymnastics classes.
But these things, that literally place my children out in the real world, are not viewed as “socialization.” Because my children are not in a classroom filled with children of their own age for the majority of their awake hours, my children are seen as missing out on the development of crucial life skills.
And while I’ll be the first to laugh at my homeschoolers when they don’t know the birthday party songs popular in our area or the intricate rules of classic childhood games such as duck-duck-goose, I’m perfectly happy with their level of socialization.
I’m okay with the fact that they spend their days with people of all ages from their baby brother to their grandparents and every person we meet when out and about. I’m okay with the fact that they see tons of different people as we take care our lives in the diversity of South Florida. I’m okay that they have good friends that are the same age as them as well as those that are younger and those that are older.
And I’m more than okay with the type of socialization they have each day. Because I know each of their friends. And I know their friends’ parents. And I am usually there whenever they’re with their friends, not because I’m an overbearing homeschool mom but because their friends’ parents are my friends, and their socialization time is my socializing time, too. We don’t each have individual friends, we have have entire families we are friendly with.
And I know that my children are safe. By being out of the classroom, they may not be “socialized” in a traditional sense, but they’ve also never been bullied. The only teasing they really endure is from me. They aren’t concerned about what others will think of their clothes or hair-dos or how they walk or how they talk. They make choices based on what they genuinely like, not whatever is popular among the elementary school crowd at the moment (hence why my house is happily Shopkins free!)
And all of this is because I’m present in my children’s interactions. I’m not involved in their friendships or constantly in their conversations (I’m the lazy sideline mom at the park) but I’m always available and aware. If my kids are hurting, I don’t have to try to pry information out of them at the end of a long day.
I usually know exactly when it happened and can help guide them to an immediate solution. I know my kids’ friends well enough to talk kindly to the other child or address the situation respectfully with the other parents without having to involve teachers, principles or counselors. There is no building up of situations because we can take care of it right then and there.
And as the news stories fly in about the teen suicide rate and cyber bullying, I take hope that my children’s lack of “socialization” will not only prevent them from these horrors and tragedies but may also provide them with the ability and courage to help their friends who may experience these things in the future.
By being present in my children’s daily interactions with everyone from their best friends to their brothers to the mailman, I’m showing them how to treat people. I’m teaching them how to be respectful and kind to all. I’m arming them with the ability to stand up for themselves and others. I’m giving them the skills to protect themselves and those around them from the hatefulness of our world.
My homeschooled kids may not be socialized in a traditional sense, but they’re certainly not the kids I’m worried about.
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Best response I’ve ever heard on this subject is “I thought kids were supposed to learn in school, not socialize!”
Very true! Traditional school is sort of the antithesis of socialization these day with the lack of recess and hurried lunches.