Today my eldest baby is 11. Time has flown by and she’s in full pre-teen mode. She is definitely one heck of an amazing kid, but life with Honeybun can sometimes be tough.
These are the things I tell her regularly (when she isn’t being an angry grumpasaurus!):
- I hate how you doubt yourself. Whether it’s ice skating or tennis or gymnastics or art or something you’ve never tried before, you have so much amazing potential and I wish you could see everything you’re capable of and believe in yourself.
- I hate how dark the world can feel to you. You have always been so caring and kind towards other people and it breaks my heart to see your sadness with the hard parts of our world that seem too big to fix.
- I hate how you constantly compare yourself to others. There will ever only be one Honeybun and I want you to see how much you have accomplished in your short 11 years and all the things you are wonderful at instead of comparing your abilities and accomplishments to those of others around you.
- I hate how you’re nervous to meet new people. The little toddler that used to leave the park with a new friend every single time has now been replaced with a awkward pre-teen who is so afraid to put herself out there and becoming more and more like me every day.
- I hate how you don’t see your greatness. Despite a stack of level completed certificates from ice skating (4 levels mastered in less than a year), you still don’t think you’re good enough to do more than lessons. Despite loving tennis, you don’t want to venture outside the little rec center program. Despite being in the advanced class at gym, you won’t see yourself as a competent gymnast. But I see it all, I see how much you’ve accomplished and how great you are at all of it.
- I hate how you won’t show yourself off. Performances, competitions, shows, matches, meets, you refuse to participate and let us cheer you on from the sidelines even though you are more than capable of being successful in whatever you choose.
- I hate how you don’t always show off the things you love. Over the past few years you’ve really blossomed into your person. A neon-green loving, pink dress hating, one-of-a-kind girl. But I see how sometimes your love of dinosaurs and rocks (“boy things”) makes you feel unsure of yourself. Almost every dinosaur shirt you own was bought in the boys section, and I’m glad that you wear them without hesitation even if you aren’t ready to tell all your girlfriends how cool dinosaurs are.
- I hate that you can’t shut your brain off sometimes. Whether is worrying about fires and tornadoes, thinking about an achy tummy and throwing up, or replaying scary things you saw on TV, it’s hard for all of us when you can’t shut down and get rest that you so desperately need.
- I hate that you become a zombie after we go to the library. I love that you love reading. And I love that you can’t wait to dive into new books every time we go to the library. But life still has to happen and it would be a whole lot easier if you didn’t get so lost in your books whenever we get new ones!
- I hate that you are so giving to others yet don’t expect the same in return. You have always been an awesome sharer, giving things to your brothers and sister pretty much whenever they ask. You let your friends choose what game to play or activity to do. And you never expect that those people do the same for you. But I wish sometimes you did. I want you to be able to stand up for yourself and demand the same respect and kindness you show others.
- I hate that you have grown so fast. Eleven years has gone way too fast. From the tiny baby in my tummy I was waiting to meet 11 years ago, to the growing girl that barely fits on my lap now (though I hope you keep trying!), being your mommy has been the most amazing and awarding journey. And I hope wherever life takes us, I keep getting to see that amazing smile of yours!
