This past weekend we officially returned to a life of competitive gymnastics as Doodle took to the floor (and bars and vault and rings and pommel) for his first competition since COVID shut everything down and took away his state competition nearly two years ago.
And this is just a little gentle reminder to all the sports parents out there: winning isn’t everything and scores don’t matter that much.
I’m reminded of this important lesson because Doodle came out of that first competition with a 5.0 on floor. Out of 10.
But he came off the floor after awards absolutely beaming because:
- He got third place all around (he didn’t care that there were only 5 kids in his level and age division)
- He earned his first medal in two years (he didn’t care it was only a bronze)
- He performed his kip on high bar (he didn’t care that he’s only had the skill for a week and missed 3 out of 3 during warmups)
- He did his muscle up on rings (he didn’t care that is was so rough his coach made a dive in, ready to save him)
- He got first place on pommel horse/mushroom (he didn’t care that he wasn’t allowed to perform the upper level skills he’s been perfecting in practice)
- And mostly he was proud that he did his punch front tuck (even though he kneed himself in the face doing it at his last practice before competition, busted his lip, and was justifiably shook up and nervous).
But that 5? It wasn’t even a blip on the list of things we discussed after the competition. Because that 5 is a tiny little snapshot of the way he performed that day and an even tinier piece of the work he’s put in at the gym and at home over the past 21 months since the world turned upside down.
And despite being by far the lowest score one of my gymnasts has ever received, I am incredibly proud of him for everything he accomplished, and we’re already laughing about “that one time.”
So, how did we get here? It wasn’t an accident that my son was able to come out of what could have been a very disappointing experience with a positive viewpoint. It’s because of the way we’ve encouraged a positive growth mindset throughout their lives and sports experiences.
We’ve promoted a growth mindset by:
Setting realistic expectations
We knew Doodle was missing some of his floor skills and that to try to compete them wouldn’t be safe. So, we knew that his floor score would be low, and we talked about it several times before the competition so there was no surprise when that 5.0 popped up.
Focusing on effort and growth
Even though he didn’t have all his floor skills, Doodle has moved up two whole levels (or more) in all the other events since his last competition. And that’s something to be proud of. So, instead of getting upset about what he doesn’t have, we talk about the baby steps he’s made in safely getting those skills and all the other places he’s made tremendous progress.
Picking a supportive team and program
When Doodle was forced to switch gyms after the COVID shutdown, we were so lucky that the next closest place is filled with the most positive, supporting, and loving team of coaches and staff. They don’t demean this kids. They don’t compare athletes. And they support kids when they’re excelling and when they’re struggling. Having coaches, owners, and teammates that are proud of his achievements and don’t belittle him when he stumbles has been key in his ability to walk into the gym every practice and strive to be his best.
Knowing perfection doesn’t exist
We don’t expect perfection from our kids in anything. From school to life skills to athletics, our kids know that mistakes will happen and that’s okay. In fact, I often focus on how we have to make mistakes in order to learn from them. If we don’t make mistakes, how will we learn, grow, and be better every day?
Being a safe place to land
Even with a supportive family and great coaches, kids can feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and disappointed with performances that don’t meet their expectations which is why I’m never here to judge and ridicule. And they know this. They know I believe they can do anything they set their minds to, and I will never, ever be disappointed when they step on the floor and try their best. They know that I will celebrate their victories with them and I will share their frustrations. And whether my kids get first place or last, I will always tell them I love them and I am so, so proud of them.
