Anxious About Being Away

Today is going to be a tiring and possibly very trying day.  I will be taking my first all day long road trip since becoming a mommy.  Up to now, we’ve never driven with the kids more than a few hours and today’s journey will take us about 9 hours driving time.  And I’m doing it by myself.  Doodle and I survived our first lone road trip last summer with relative ease but this one will be much longer and now that he is older, I worry he will be less tolerant of being restrained for long stretches.  Of course, only the day will tell how we fare and thus that will be a post for another day!

Another first I will be having, though, is leaving the girls.  Up to now I’ve only ever spent one night in a different city than my girls (when hubby and I went to Naples for our 5^th wedding anniversary).  And here I am facing five days away.  Five morning to nighttimes.  And not just across the state like last time, but in a whole other state, 9 hours away!

We are going to attend the wedding of a dear friend from college and the original plan was to take the whole family.  I was going to drive up with Doodle and Sugarplum and hubby and Honeybun were going to fly up after school Friday.  Unfortunately hubby had to be away this week at a conference and couldn’t be home in time to bring up Honeybun and I can’t take one girl without the other. (And fortunately my parents are in town and more than willing to help).  Thus, it will be a weekend of just hubby, Doodle and me.

I know a lot of parents love getting away from their kids and to be completely honest, I’m a little jealous of them.  I am so filled with anxiety and stress right now it’s ridiculous.

I trust my parents completely with my children.  I know my girls will be fine but there are so many little things.  Like what time Honeybun has to be at school and what she needs in her backpack.  I’ve done it every.single.day since she started kindergarten.  I worry I’ll forget to tell them something and Honeybun is so fragile when things don’t go just right.

I worry about my girls’ moods becoming too much.  They are both in a very “if you say yes, I’ll say no just to be difficult” phase and it seems like 90% of anything you say gets the response “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like…”  It’s frustrating, overwhelming and tiring and it pushes me to the edge.  I just don’t know how other react and deal with their nonsense.

But my biggest concern is just being away.  I LOVE being with my children.  I don’t like being away from them.  I like being there to share their moments, to support them in their struggles and celebrate their triumphs.  I like being involved in their lives.

I don’t know why going away is so traumatizing for me but it is.  I had babies because I wanted them, I wanted to be with them, I wanted to care for them, I wanted to be around them.  Sure I like an occasional night out or sending them to a relatives house for an overnight but being away for 5 whole days, 5 morning to nighttimes is more than I can wrap my head around right now.

I can’t even imagine what it is going to be like to not hear their voices every place I go.  To not feel their sweet kisses or tight cuddles.  To not know what they are doing or how they are feeling.  I just…I can’t even imagine.

Are you a “loves to get away” or “loathes to be apart” type mommy?  How do you deal with being away from your kids?  This mommy sure could use some support and advice right now!