One of the hardest parts of babies getting bigger and coming into toddlerhood is the unavoidable separation anxiety that indicates a secure attachment. While my kids have had varying levels of anxiety through their little lives, the girls still struggling with me being away at times, the one thing I’ve always tried to instill in them is the simplest idea: Mommy always comes back.
No matter where I am going or how long I am going to be away, I want my children to know and rest assured that I will eventually come back. Always. I love my children immensely and want to be with them every second I can and will always do anything and everything in my power to return to them as soon as possible.
I want them to know I am always thinking of them and miss them as much as they miss me. Even this past weekend when hubby and I were in Atlanta for 5 full days, I talked to the girls twice a day, every day.
Honeybun has a good grasp of the concept of death and Sugarplum is starting to. We’ve had numerous conversations starting with the worry “Mommy, I don’t want you to die” but never has it arisen due to my absence. I don’t think they yet relate me going away to something bad possibly happening and I want to keep it that way. I want them to whole-heartedly believe that I will indeed always come back.
Whenever they get sad about me having to go, I tell them “Mommy always comes back” and ask them “Has mommy ever not come back before?” and when they say “no” I reassure them “see, nothing to worry about. Mommy always comes back.”
This is great! You’re doing all the right things. As a veteran preschool teacher, I know that children often have a hard time with separation initially. However, after seeing (and hearing) time and time again that mommy comes back, they begin to trust that indeed she will. This is precisely how you develop and deepen that secure attachment. Once they feel secure, they gain confidence and thus freedom to explore even when mommy’s not around. In fact, I wrote ‘Mommy Always Comes Back,’ a children’s picture book, for just this purpose.