“This was the worst day ever!” Honeybun screamed her now famous phrase as she pulled her bike into the drive way. “And I don’t want to talk about it!” I’m starting to think we’ve arrived in the teen years about a decade early.
Her not wanting to talk about it was kind of ironic seeing as she jabbered away the whole ride home as I kept reminding her I couldn’t hear her when she was on her bike riding away from me. Before we left school I had promised her friend (whom we have become good family friends with) that I would talk to her because he was upset she said she didn’t want to be friends with him anymore.
Turns out she did want to talk about it because even after her proclamation and without me saying a word, she continued: “I don’t want to be Ethan’s friend anymore. He wrote a story called the bucket dipper and wrote in his story how Melanie in a bucket dipper and she’s not. So I told Susie that we should go over and talk to him and tell him that Melanie is not a bucket dipper and he shouldn’t have wrote that. She’s my best friend and she’s not a bucket dipper. And then the twins said yes she is a bucket dipper and then Ethan said he didn’t want to be my friend anymore. And I don’t want to be his friend because Melanie is my best friend and she’s not a bucket dipper and that was mean of him to write that in his book!”
Oh, the (kindergarten) drama!
I held back giggles listening to her rant just imagining what other people would think if they were listening. Luckily for me, I know what a “bucket dipper” is and who the people in the story are so I was able to follow along without needing to ask for clarification (for those who are wondering, Honeybun’s teacher told them a few weeks ago about how people are either bucket fillers who lift other people up or bucket dippers who push other people down).
A big part of me wanted to leave it, assuming it was typical kindergarten drama that would pass in a matter of minutes. But both kids were really upset about it so I decided to take advantage of the teachable moment.
I sat down and hugged Honeybun and told her I was sorry she was feeling sad about what happened but hoped she and Ethan could work it out because I know they both really still want to be friends. I asked her if she thought maybe tomorrow she could talk to him nicely and let him know that she is upset about what he wrote but that she still wants to be friends with him and friends with Melanie.
At first she fought back and there were a lot of “buts”: but what if he still says it? But he’s not going to be my friend. But I want to be friends with Melanie. But it made me really sad. But he is still going to be mean to Melanie and not be her friend.
We talked about how it’s okay for her to be upset by what happened. That her being upset by how her friend was treated is good, it shows that she’s a caring and good friend. And the buts were replaced with nods, I knows and okays.
We talked about how not everybody likes everybody else and how that’s okay. That it’s fine for her to be friends with two people, even if they aren’t friends with each other. And most importantly that you don’t have to always like everybody and you don’t always have to be friends but you do always have to be kind and respectful to everyone.
Who knows what would have happened if I had just left it. Perhaps it would have all been forgotten tomorrow or perhaps they would have stayed upset with each other for the rest of the school year. And who knows what will happen from here or if my talk will make any difference in their friendship, but I do hope that it makes a difference in her life and am glad we took the time to talk about things.
I’m so thankful that we can have these talks and I can help guide her moral growth as she struggles and stumbles through life.
