Stuck on Sexy

Well, it happened.  My fear of “sexy” coming into the lives of my very young girls happened.  As they were getting ready for bed last night, I heard Honeybun whisper to Sugarplum “look at me, I’m sexy!”

We’ve been having a lot of “bathroom” talk lately.  The girls have taken to making everything into a poop, pee, or penis joke and spend their days cracking up about it (“Let it go, let it go, can’t pee on my head anymore…”)  So when the “sexy” remark came around I reacted the same way “you don’t need to say that.”

Then what I’ve been dreading: “Why?  Is it bad?”

Oh man, where do I go from here?  “What do you think it means?”

“Fashional.”

“You mean fashionable?  It’s not fashionable.  It’s like calling someone fat, it’s just something we don’t need to say or talk about.”

I left it at that.  I wasn’t sure where else to go, what I wanted to say and I still haven’t decided what I want them to know or feel about it.

I’ve been thinking about what “sexy” is to me.  Is it something I am?  Not usually.  Is it something I want to be?  Not really anymore.  When I tried to be sexy in the past, what was it that appealed to me?

As a young adult I definitely fell into the “sexy makes you popular” crowd.  I didn’t go around flaunting my stuff just to get attention but I also wasn’t very modest (20 second quick changes in front of various stage hands will do that to you…)  When I first started dating hubby, I’ll admit I showed more than usual when I knew I was going to see him.  Why?  I guess because I thought that’s what he would like (being a college-aged man and all).  As we settled into our relationship, he confided that he preferred me to be more covered up.  And I was okay with it, I really didn’t care either way.

Now I feel uncomfortable in low-cut tops and short skirts/shorts (yet breastfeeding uncovered in public is you know, whatever).  So what is sexy?  Is it the objectification of women?  Maybe, I don’t know.  Am I trying to stand up for women’s lib?  Not really.

 Really, I want my kids to be kids.  I want my little girls to be little girls while they can.  I want them to be able to run through the sprinklers in their underwear if they want.  But they can’t, instead I make them wear 1 piece bathing suits anytime they’re in the front yard because even though I see them as just little girls, I don’t trust the rest of the world to see them that way (plus a neighbor down the road just got arrested for child pornography, so…)

I don’t let my girls paint their nails and Honeybun has only worn makeup when performing in her dance concerts.  I try to keep their clothes age appropriate (which is becoming harder as she gets closer to the 7-12 size range).

I don’t want them worrying about what other people think of them or who they think they should be.  I want them to make their own choices for who they are.  I know they’ll fall into peer pressure eventually and I know some day they’ll want to be just like everyone else and I won’t be so cool anymore (if I even am now) but until then I want to show them that what really matters is not what you put on your body, not what you show or what you cover up but what kind of person you are.

Ugh, Mommying is so hard and complicated!