I sat at Sugarplum’s gymnastics the other day and overheard a few other mommies talking (no, I wasn’t eavesdropping, these women are LOUD!) One of the mommies is expecting at Christmas time, her second. Both of the other mommies already have two and started throwing every cliché response you can image: You’ll never sleep again! Two is twice as hard as one! Be ready for the rivalry and acting out from your daughter! You’ll have your hands full!
You hear it a lot, all of the negative things about being a mommy. About how your life will never be the same and often it’s made to seem like your life is about to END.
But I’m here tell you, no PROMISE you, that in fact, becoming a mommy is not the end of your life. And I won’t even be cliché and say that it is really the beginning of your life. It’s an extension of your life. Really.
There are a lot of changes that happen when you become a mommy (whether for the first, second, third or more times) but the truth is, you’re still YOU. And it’s still YOUR life. Any life changes (apart from having a tiny little human to take care of), are your choice.
A baby is not a life sentence, house arrest or 18 years without the chance of parole. Really, it’s what you make of it. If you choose to be stuck at home, you will be. If you choose to let your little ones run your life, they will.
But you can also choose to continue your life as it was, just with a squishy little sidekick. This is the choice hubby and I made and I could never even imagine it being different.
We took Honeybun out to dinner when she was 6 days old. I was out and about with her on my own within a few weeks (much to the appaul of the well-meaning old ladies at the post office who insisted NO baby should be out of the house before 6 weeks old as they poked and prodded her in my sling). I started three new jobs when she was just 6 weeks old. And she was 10 weeks old when she accompanied hubby and I to The Melting Pot for our one year anniversary dinner.
Sugarplum was a mere 5 weeks old when we hopped on a plane with her and returned to Dublin and only 7 weeks when we took a ferry to Liverpool. She visited 25 different countries before her 2nd birthday.
Doodle accompanied me when I returned to teaching ballet when he was 3 weeks old, attended his first dance performance at a month old and went to Disney for the first with the family at only 2 months old.
Our children have never stopped us from living the life we wanted or even the life we lived before. Either we take them with us when we do the things we want to our we find someone we trust to take care of them. But they have never really stopped us from doing things we wanted to do.
Becoming a mommy is not the end of your life, it’s just an expansion of it. Having children opens your eyes to a whole new world. You get to see things from a new perspective, their perspective. You get to experience things as if for the first time again. Having children should expand your world, not narrow it.
It’s your life, make what you want of it…and bring the kids along for the ride!
Of course it’s not. I don’t think I know anyone that would ever say that.
I hear it a lot, Robin. People telling pregnant women they better do this and that (sleep, travel, shower, go out to eat) now because once the baby comes they’ll never be able to do anything again!
I love this post! I’ve known people who thought their lives were over when they got pregnant, but it’s really just a shifting of priorities.
Exactly, Stacie! I see my kids as my tiny little accomplices, not a beginning or end to any part of my life as it was. They’ve just enriched it and made it more exciting!
I always think it’s odd when people think being a mom is the end of your life. Children bring not only joy but open your world to infinite possibilities. The amazing things and crazy things that have happened as a result of having my children cannot compare.
I guess people just don’t want their life to change. Change is always a challenge even when it’s good. It’s so worth it, though! Then again, I’ve always wanted children.
I agree, MB! But I’ve never let having kids change the way I go about my life, I still do the same things I always have.
Exactly! I totally agree with this. I definitely changed the way I did some things after my kids were born but that was my choice and it was the way I wanted it. I think the more integrated into your “regular” life kids are, the better off they are anyway – makes for a much more interesting childhood! Found you on the Confessions link up. Thanks for sharing!
You’re right, Nicole. I’ve definitely changed some things about my life but nothing I regret or resent them for and I think that by integrating your kids into your “regular” life, the better off you are, too, because you can’t so easily lose yourself, you’re who you always were.
I am going to be brutally honest. There have been times I wished I had some tie to myself, but not that I didn’t want kids. I think it is just a state of mind and changing priorities.
Kelly, there are plenty of times I wish I had more time to myself! But I had the same feelings before I had kids, too, they’re maybe just more frequent now.
I bring the kids everywhere, as well. My life became fuller when I had children- the best fuller ever!!!! I actually found 1 to 2 to be incredibly easy (my kids sleep very well). I get so sad when other parents lament to new or soon-to-be parents. It’s not fair. or true.
Me too, Chelley, to all of it! Whenever I hear negative conversations I want to jump in and balance the scales because being a mommy is the most awesome thing I’ve ever done in my life!
I agree that parenthood is what you make of it. It’s not like you can never leave your house again, or never anything fun. The only difference is some of the things you may consider fun after having a baby aren’t necessarily things you may have done without a child. How about going to the zoo or a children’s museum. It’s fun to see your eyes light up when they see something interesting.
So true, Danielle. But I think a lot of people think that zoos and children’s museums are what you HAVE to do once you have kids which is far from the truth. My girls have been to the Louvre, Westminster Abbey, Dachau and more. Their views of the world are wide because they’re experienced it first hand!
I had a fun raising kids and I’m still having fun now that they’re older! Your life is only over if you decide it is!
Liz, I can’t wait to see what my future mommy life brings. I love babies but I know that our adventures will only get bigger as my kids do!
Awe, being a mom is what makes my life! My son gets even cooler as he gets older too.
Daisy, I’m so glad to hear this! Mine are still all pretty little and each stage has it’s challenges but I’m so looking forward to our future together.
Having kids never stopped us, either. We just bundled them up and went on our way :) I never once thought we should do otherwise, LOL
That’s exactly us, Shauna!
Glad it isn’t the end, since my first son was born while I was in high school! It took a lot of work and a lot of help from both of our parents but we both managed to finish school and raise an amazing son who is now about to turn 24!
Gabriel, I think in any situation support is key. I’m so glad that you had loving parents to help you out and that you are all doing well now!
I totally agree with this! Our family is well traveled as well and I love how much we get to experience with the kids!
I can’t even imagine traveling without the kids now! While a couples vacation would be nice, I know I’d spend the entire time thinking “I wish Honeybun could see this” or “Sugarplum would LOVE this!” The one trip we did do without the kids, we spent the entire time talking about what we wanted to do when we brought them back with us the next time!
I totally agree with you! It changes your life, but you do not need to stop living.
Yep, Mary. But I’ve found the changes minimal and well worth making!
So true! Many thought being parents would be the end of our travelling but now we do it as a family of 5. and I love travelling together!
Us too, Tammi! We’ve traveled more since having kids than we ever did before. They definitely make it more exciting (and stressful-but worth it!)
I can’t tell you how good it felt for me to read your post, every line of it. Even before I had children it always annoyed me to come back from vacation and have people say things like “it sure would be nice to travel like that, but we have kids.”
Limiting beliefs can stop us in all phases of life, and children are no exception. My husband and I have also been taking my daughter out to restaurants since she was days old, took her on her first road trip to Breckenridge at 4 weeks old, etc. etc. Exposure to these situations DOES breed familiarity and good behavior – of course if a kiddo has never been to adult public places they won’t know how to behave!
“If you choose to let your little ones run your life, they will.” My favorite quote from your post, and it should probably be given to everyone on one of those prettily-painted canvases we see on Pinterest on the day of their child’s birth.
I love what you’re doing, keep it up! Perhaps through example we can change the paradigm :) Children are not the end to your life unless you allow it to be that way!
Thanks, Katy! And your points are right on as well. We get a lot of stares when we walk into nicer restaurants with our three kids but usually by the end of the meal we are having people tell us how nice it is to see families out and how well behaved our children are.
When my second was born – whooping cough and flue was everywhere. It was bad. So I was pretty cautious about who could touch our baby and where we went. But I didn’t stay home either. Not an option when you have more than one child. I kept my babies close in carrier when we did head out.
Emily, I think any person would limit their outings in those situations, especially with a newborn! I too always keep my very newbies in a sling right next to me to try to prevent unwanted stranger prodding (it didn’t always work, though!)
I don’t think so. I think it’s when my life truly began! While it isn’t the only thing I am, being a mom rocks!
I agree, Nancy. I LOVE being a mommy!
What a great post! You definitely did not let having kids slow you down. We do need to see more stories like this. Thanks for linking up. #ConfessionsLinkUp
Thanks, Amy! My life has certainly changed but only in the most awesome ways (except for maybe the exhaustion…)
This is such a beautiful post, Melissa. There’s plenty of people that heed parents-to-be warnings about traveling, sleeping, and doing all these adventurous things before babies enter the picture. To which I respond with the same sentiment you just beautifully provided in your post: Take the kids with you. It’s as much of an experience for them as it is for you. Your children are lucky to have traveled where they have and experienced what they’ve experienced. And much praise is due for you and your husband for providing them with great experiences that will last them a lifetime. Thank you for sharing this. Hopefully, it’ll make parents a bit braver and courageous and take your endearing words to hear: having children should expand your life not narrow it.
Thanks, Maria. I really do enjoy traveling and seeing the world more when I get to do it through my children’s eyes!
This is a great reminder that you can do so many things with a baby, and share the things you love with them! We’ve always done a lot together as a family as well. I love sharing new experiences together. Thanks for linking up at the Manic Mondays blog hop!
Thanks for stopping by, Meredith! I don’t know if I would enjoy traveling as much without my kids. Even though it would be easier, I don’t think it would be as fun to do and see new things!
Interesting read. Life definitely changes once you have a child. I wouldn’t say life is over. I would say life is different. I can no longer make selfish choices of what I want to do without taking into consideration how it would affect the ones I was blessed to oversee and love. I will say that sleep is a thing of the past. I haven’t slept through the night in now 18 years (my oldest is 17). Now I do have children spaced out so my youngest is just turning 7. Add to it that I have four, someone is needing me at some point every night. We are like you, we take our children everywhere, and I do mean everywhere we go, so it is more like children are an addition to life. However, I would say that life definitely changes. Is it over? No, but a lot of things are on hold while I take care of the needs of others. Prior to kids, I only had to worry about what I wanted, how it affected me. I could leave at the drop of a hat, take a spontaneous trip, etc with just throwing a few items in and going. Now a trip takes months of planning, a week of detailed organization, and a lot more stuff :D. Over? Nah, different? VERY.
You’re very right, Allyson. Things definitely change but becoming a parent doesn’t have to change everything, you just have to take the time to figure out how to keep going with your new little sidekicks!