I realized recently I need to change the way I parent my girls. They are growing up so fast and while I would do anything to slow it down, I can’t. So instead of wallowing in growth, I’ve come to see that I need to grow with them.
It seems like we spend all day talking. Between school and housework and just life, our home is never quiet. But what we are missing is the conversation.
It’s not that I do all the talking but I definitely lead and dominate our discussions. Because I’m teaching or I’m asking for their help or just because I’m the “big person.” And it’s not that my girls don’t get to talk, it seems like they are constantly talking non-stop. But something happened that caused me to realize they need something else, more, from our conversations.
It wasn’t even a big deal, nothing that we haven’t dealt with before. Honeybun got upset at lunch after I asked her to scoot in so I could sit between the two girls. But the difference was she didn’t recover. She sat there upset, unwilling to talk, not wanting anything to eat. But she didn’t yell like usual or burst into tears at our prodding as she does sometimes.
Instead of ignoring her until she was ready to communicate as usual, I made the decision to engage her. I took her outside the restaurant by the fountains and just held her close while we walked, something I rarely get to do with my big girl.
We walked over by the canal behind and saw some fish. I knelt down beside her as we talked about what we saw. We were back near our old home to get Doodle’s haircut at the barber and decided to stop into an old favorite for lunch knowing we wouldn’t have as many chances moving f.
I gently shifted the conversation away from fish and back to what was bothering here. “Are you upset being here?” She nodded. “I know moving was hard for you. Does being back close to our old house make you miss things?” She nodded again, “I just really miss my friends.”
One of her best friends had also just moved, but to Seattle. We tried to gloss it over: we’ll see him again…maybe we can visit one day…they’ll be back for a visit in the fall!
The same as we had been doing about the move: it’s only a half hour away…of course we will still see our friends…plus we’ll make new friends!
But what we weren’t doing in trying to soften the blow and ease their transition was let them talk. We would listen when they tried and say “I know…” because we do but we haven’t been engaging them in conversation about it. Or anything.
It’s tough watching your babies grow, watching them change and trying to keep up. It’s tough knowing what to say and how to act as they grow. And as I’ve said before, we are always first-timers. I’ve never had an almost 7-year-old before and I’m having to learn what it means to be a mommy to her.
And so far all I’ve figured out is that I need to take more time to listen and engage her. I need to validate her feelings and talk to her more like the big girl she is becoming and less like my baby that she was. Growing up is hard for all of us…
