With the arrival of our fourth and last baby, I’ve started to contemplate life. As we’ve begun our journey as our forever family, I’m not longer contemplating if or when we’ll have more kids and what that might be like, instead I’m contemplating our future and where we might go, what we might do, who we might become.
I haven’t really worked since my first daughter turned one. I spent her first year running between four different jobs, one as an infant/toddler teacher at a childcare center and the other three teaching dance. I quit the childcare job the day before her birthday, after we found out my husband was going to be relocated to Dublin for his job. I didn’t have a work permit in Ireland and we decided to add another family member when we moved back. I’ve applied for various jobs and gotten pretty far in some interview processes but just haven’t found that job yet that is worth it to my family (all of which prompted me to start blogging).
I came back to the states with high hopes of returning to school, getting another degree or certificate and opening up more career opportunities for myself. But instead I found myself engulfed in motherhood and have only been able to teach dance on a very limited basis.
I haven’t thought about it in a while, all the hopes and dreams I had. I hadn’t considered those degrees and opportunities I could create for myself. But now that the having babies part is over, and even though my children are all still very small and we are fully involved in homeschooling, I find my mind wandering to my future.
What do I want to do with my life? What do I hope to accomplish? What do I want to be?
But I’m always stopped in my tracks by the realizations that are my life. I’m getting too old to hope to have a dance career. I don’t know that I will ever find a good place to teach dance in our current home. I’m not sure I have it in me to pursue those degrees or certificates I had such high hopes for three years ago.
And it always circles back to one thought: what if all I ever am is just a mom?
I mean, we all know that moms are super important and amazing. It’s definitely not a small thing.
But what if I’m never anything else? What if my days end and all people have to say about me is what a great mom I was? (At least that’s what I hope they say.)
Would it really be so bad? Is there anything wrong with spending the rest of my life as just a mom?
If I never go back to school but all my children graduate college with honors, will I still feel like just a mom?
If I never manage to create some great career but my children go on to change the world, even if only a tiny bit, will I still feel like just a mom?
If I never do more than manage my household but my children have the confidence to take on the world, will I still feel like just a mom?
If I never make a mark on my community or world like I’ve always aspired to do but I’ve managed to raise happy, healthy, good people, will I still feel like just a mom?
If no one ever knows my name outside my circle of family and friends but my children talk about me like I’m Super Woman, will I still feel like just a mom?
If I never become all I wanted to be but I can make all my children’s dreams come true, will I still feel like just a mom?
Maybe being just a mom is what I was really meant to be all along.
What a great post! I don’t know why our society undermines motherhood like its nothing, when really it pulls you in so many directions you’re not used to and can be incredibly challenging. I think some moms buy into that zeitgeist and don’t see their own work as valuable, so they give up, and I think their children suffer because of it. Why do we want a career (which I don’t think is bad). Isn’t it to change the world, or at least have some impact? Funny thing is we are changing the world, not just with our kids, but also by influencing other parents and kids. And for what it’s worth, you are a mom and so many other things. I’m amazed how much you have accomplished in your life- your blog, your writing for other venues, your time for dance. And I’m sure you cook and clean and everything else. And lets not forget the need to take time out for yourself, so that you can give again. Kudos to you. You have my utmost appreciation and respect.
Thank you so much for this, much needed on a harder-than-most mommying day! Motherhood is so many unexplained things that you just can’t even understand until you’ve lived it so it’s hard to quantify and put a value on.
I feel like being just a mom is so looked down on these days. But my mom being just a mom taught me how to clean a house and cook a good meal along with a million other things. It doesn’t work for everyone, and that’s ok. But if being just a mom is what works for your family and makes you happy, then that’s what you need.
You’re very right, Jenny. All the jobs we do that are now viewed as menial are actually essential to running a home and keeping a family going and they used to be viewed that way!